muffinmoon

Instead of stories ...

2012-01-28T11:07:00.005Z

Sometimes, of an evening, Frank and I discuss what stories he might like to hear.

I love reading and being read to. Thus talking books are great for me, especially as I can cook and potter whilst following a story.
I have very fond memories of being in my mid-twenties and sharing a house with two other young female teachers, one of whom is still one of my best friends, Alex.
Alex is from Ballymoney in Northern Ireland and after a few years teaching here in Essex, followed her heart home and works now in Belfast.
On special occasions Alex would read out loud to me as we both lay on sofas in the lounge of the house we shared. He gorgeous northern Irish accent made every story extra special to me.
Well, Frank loves stories too, but is in that in-betweeeny phase at the moment of not really enjoying longer stories and wanting the same very young children's stories over and over.
I have no problem with this unless it has been a long day and I am in need of something a little more peppy!
This was the case the other evening and so I suggested we took paper, books and pencils and his bedtime snack upstairs with us and planned our Chinese New Year celebrations on the big double bed INSTEAD of stories.

We had a couple of books for ideas of dragons to draw and Frank erected a pillow barrier to prevent me from seeing the dragon he was drawing.

Here you can see his snack (apples slices and an oat biscuit) and in the background his little monster design book. This is just a small Moleskine book that he has by the side of his bed and in which he draws any good ideas for monsters when he's allowed ten minutes reading or designing alone before lights go out.
Monsters don't frighten him and he loves to design weird and wonderful ones.

We came up with this version of a dragon for our Chinese New Year celebration and Frank had a ball using his new chalk pastels to colour it in as they were so bright.

My point with this post is that we spent a long time drawing and reading and talking about our ideas and I think both of us felt energised by this new activity.

I firmly believe in routine and the support it provides for all of us but on the occasion that I have stepped outside the routine and done something creative I have felt amazed by the energy I have tapped into.
Rather than feeling more tired by our slightly later night we felt great and had shared some creative time and most definitely strengthened our connection to each other as two people that like to create, albeit he monsters and gross creatures and me slightly less gross things!
Instead of stories, create ...
Any other ideas for great bedtimes?

Don't Look Back

2012-01-16T10:56:00.003Z

Well, despite plans for an upbeat post about my personal goals for 2012 I found myself faced with the squat presence of The Diabetes Toad today.
I was cleaning out the fridge with Frank, who loves the emptying out bit but then disappears for the cleaning!
I took a moment to remove the photos adorning the fridge door and found The Toad, waiting for me as I took in the pictures of my boy on this piece of furniture in my home.
A piece that I go to every day, multiple times.
And my breath was knocked out of me.
Again.
As I thought, "He didn't have Diabetes then..... or then ... oh, that's the holiday in Cornwall, he didn't have Diabetes there either ... or when he was eating that apple there in that cute picture ... oh ... oh, hello Diabetes Toad, you're back for a bit are you?"
And so it goes.
I well up and feel like crap and hate this disease that takes over our lives as well as too much shelf space in our fridge and home.
And yet ... and yet ...
He lives.
We live.
It is hard, but looking back in this way only encourages the Diabetes Toad and he's too big for his boots anyway.
Let's cut him down a peg or two.
So don't look back.
Except in love and acceptance.

The Diabetes Toad lurks for all of us, I know he does, but these days I can give him a nod and clean out the fridge and get on with my day.
An example of this for this very minute:
the full-on life force of Frank has just manifested itself by running into the room with his winter hat on backwards, arms stretched out sideways and saying "Ninja!" (we have a bit of a Scooby Doo & the Black Samurai fetish going on, especially in the build up the Chinese New Year too!) At this display the Diabetes Toad disappears in a puff of smoke and life is good.
Life is sweet.

I end with a gratuitously cute picture of my boy, four years ago, in the bath, the spitting image of me at that age.
He didn't have Diabetes then either but that's OK.
Blessings and Toad-free days to all!

Off the needles - tea leaves!

2012-01-09T10:24:00.003Z

And about flipping time, I hear you all cry (yes, you especially Lise!!).
It is done.
It is washed.
It is blocked.
It is dry (although I regret doing the final drying hour on the radiator as it has lines on it now, but people came by for galette des rois (epiphany cake) and it had to go somewhere and not stay in the middle of the floor in front of the wood stove - sigh).
It is enormous.
Andrew is fitting a new ceiling to the garage today and I ran outside, just after breakfast and asked him to take a few pictures of the cardi and his wife (that's me!) modelling it.
I am not wearing make up, I haven't even brushed my hair, I got to bed past midnight and I am wearing my second favourite dress.
This dress is very comfy but does make me look six months "with child".
I would love to tell you all that the above is unusual for me.
But alas ...
So, on that warning note here it is: Tea Leaves, the baby that took only six months in the making.

And now I am cast adrift, not sure what to knit next.
I am thinking mittens.
Quick and simple and we must surely be due some cold weather soon?
I am sitting here in short sleeves, no socks and the heating isn't even on.
It is MILD.
Better get outside and enjoy it with Frank.
Love to all. Have a good Monday.

Mellow Sweetness

2012-01-07T20:42:00.005Z

I have really been enjoying mellow days with my boys over the Christmas and New Year holidays.
Some days have been filled with such gentle sweetness that I have felt a surge of joy at my luck to have these two men in my life.
After our Solstice celebration it was heads down and into Christmas.
We went to a lovely party hosted by a friend on Christmas Eve and I was able to catch up with my friend Tanya and her hubby Rob. He was sporting the biggest smile ever having finally landed a job after eighteen very long and tricky months and many, many interviews. I just didn't want to talk to anyone else having seen them go through such a hard time and just loved feeling the energy pulsing out of them that evening. They are good people and like many in this economic climate have been through a lot.
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Christmas Day saw us eating croissants as we opened our gifts and then heading off to celebrate Christmas with Sue (Andrew's ex-wife), Sarah and Tom (his children from this first marriage, they are 29 and 25 respectively).
Sue made a fantastic lunch of turkey, roast potatoes, sausages, veggies, bread sauce, cranberry sauce and gravy.
Frank was in his element!
At around 4pm we all tucked into the mince pies I made along with a cup of tea.

I used a pastry recipe from Sarah Raven's Complete Christmas book (which I love!! Highly recommended) and filled the pies with sugar free mincemeat made by my friend Fiona.
The little bird lids on the lids were a last minute decision as a full lid can be heavy and I love a bit of whimsy at any time.

Boxing Day saw us three in the woods getting some much needed fresh air and gathering some sticks for the fire.
And for New Year we drove down to Reading to stay with Severine and had such a lovely time, full of mellow sweetness again.
Severine knows us well and was happy to have a quiet, reflective evening with good food and some games and chat about our plans for the coming year.
We played a music quiz, drank champagne, ate smoked salmon and made a list of what we want to achieve in 2012.
Actually, Andrew let Sev and I drink the champagne as he toasted the new year with (hold onto your knickers) CHOCOLATE MILK!!!!

I have no idea what Sev actually thought but I could hazard a guess!

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And my plans for 2012?
They include posting here more often.
So on that note, I will be back soon with more on my plans for 2012.
Blessings to you all for a healthy, happy and joyful 2012 full of mellow sweetness.

Winter Solstice

2011-12-22T20:10:00.004Z

We celebrated the Winter Solstice yesterday evening with lots of candles, good food and gifts.
Frank was allowed to stay up late to play his new game and then we all went to bed at the same time, chatting quietly until we fell asleep, Frank first followed by myself and then Andrew.
These dark winter days are special to me as I love this season of introspection after such busy times outside all summer and autumn.

More knitting, reading and planning! Hooray!
In the next few days we will visit people and have people to us, exchange gifts and watch Frank's pantomime that he has been planning for a few days now.

Then it's head down and into the full-on festivities with family and friends.
I enjoy the Winter Solstice more than Christmas for its quiet sense of wonder at nature and peaceful family celebration.
I will be enjoying some screen free days this Yuletide and will be back in the middle of next week.
Peace and blessings to you all, and may the D-fairy behave itself this festive season!

In these days of long shadows

2011-12-15T22:53:00.008Z

We are busy busy, busy preparing for a season of gift giving: making cards, writing gift tags, making Christmas treasure hunts, knitting, reading recipes and making choices, baking and general elving.
A few days ago Frank and I went to Frinton for fresh air and a race on the beach (he always wins, but only because I cry less at losing!) followed by fish & chips and a great score of a Scooby Doo puzzle in a charity shop.
It was blissful.
Blue, blue sky and just me and my boy on that beach.

It makes me happy, this stretch of coast. Always.

And then we stay home a lot too; making things, crafting, elving and baking.

I took this picture as a way of telling the tale of how I reached without looking for my coffee and nearly took a swig of a bowl of beads today!
They actually had to touch my lips before I realised it wasn't my drink.
Must use my eyes next time.

And more elving, preceded by a fun afternoon decorating the ginger biscuits we made in the morning.
Oh yes, we had fun with that one!

Hope you are enjoying your winter too!

And take note: these biscuits are NOT BURNT.
Neither are they strangely blue!

Recipe for charcoal cookies

2011-12-08T19:57:00.004Z

Yup, I made them and they take merely four hours to bake.
Easy.
Here's how you do it.
Take all your usual ingredients for really good quality chocolate chip cookies: organic butter, soft brown muscovado sugar, spelt flour, Green & Blacks dark chocolate, organic eggs and so on.
Make two batches of these cookies and then let them cool on wire racks in the kitchen whilst popping the last batch in the oven for a quick ten minutes.
And here is where you raise your game from cook to kitchen genius.
Forget this last batch and sweep yourself and your family off into Colchester for lunch.
Meet D-Mamas and friends with D for lunch as part of the support group you help run and chat merrily away.
Order coffee, order falafel and salad, have more coffee. Stroll back to the van and drive home feeling great about knowing such lovely people.
Open the front door, smell the burnt fat and think "Oh, damn, I left the oven on".
Walk slowly to the oven and look inside, still expecting to see nothing in there, because really, what kind of fool leaves cookies for four hours!?!
Find this:

Slap your forehead and know for a fact that you are the biggest muppet of a cook since the Swedish chef on the Muppet Show and spend three days trying to get the dark stains off the tiles and the smell out of the house.
Put the cookies in the bin outside, because even the compost would surely be poisoned by this travesty.

Happy eating!

Making & Hiding Out (d'you see what I did there?)

2011-11-19T19:51:00.008Z

tea cosy for my sister for Christmas

Frank making golden bicycle wheels at our little class "Art Makers" at the new gallery in town : firstsite.

my tiny stash of very special material made into a little clutch bag, which I am using for small knitting projects. Note the reality of my crafting and do not for a moment imagine I have a "studio" or anything! Nope I craft right alongside the Lego and the puzzles.

updating the nature table with gnomes and gingham hearts from the Christmas decoration stash

Budd making a fabulous shed in the garden, he has worked really hard all week on this, whilst I have worked hard to keep Frank out of his way

Me, making a golden bicycle wheel, taken by Frank

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It has been busy around here with us making, building, creating ...
I finished the tea cosy for my sister for Christmas and am now making very few things for gifts. I made loads last year and it stressed me too much. Crafting and creating is something I do a fair amount of but I want it to kind of unfold naturally. I don't want to be handing over a gift that is only going to receive a lukewarm reception (it happens A LOT!) after I have sat up late trying to complete it. So this winter it's just a tie for Budd, a cowl for Frank and a couple of other gifts before I just knit for pleasure alone.
And next year I have already declared the year of knitting for ME!
That is going to be fun.
This week Frank and I enjoyed our second art class at the fantastic new gallery in Colchester: firstsite.
And Andrew has been spending the week building a shed in the garden; leaping out of bed once it is light and beavering away until it's dark.
He has done an amazing job.
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And onto the hiding out.
I have kind of been ignoring Diabetes Awareness month and not blogging about diabetes.
I think I have reached one of those phases of burnout and am just going with the flow.
In planing what to say here today I wondered if I should admit this.
A great deal of awe is felt here by me when I read other blogs, especially this month.
My stamina seems to have gone AWOL for November!
And, guess what, I wish it hadn't but I feel absolutely no guilt about it.
If I have learnt anything from this carousel of parenting a child with Type 1 Diabetes it is to trust my feelings and emotions and gut reactions to life and my moods.
I appear to have needed a quiet blogging month.
It certainly isn't all tea cosies and soup over here.
We have too many hypos and some ratios that have needed tweaking.
But the nights have been comfortingly predictable (for the first time in about nine months, I realised the other day! Jinkies! No wonder I look 93!).
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And this much I know:
Even when I lapse in regularity in my blogging.
Even when I am a bit lightweight with my post contents.
Even when I can barely function of an evening.
I feel the energy of all the other D-parents and D-friends out there.
Not in a weird way, just in a supportive way.
And I know that should I need to reach out, even after an absence, everyone is still there.
Just as I am.
Still here. Still there. Still reading.
Still Frank's Mama.

That Stonking Soup Recipe

2011-11-09T13:04:00.004Z

Autumn is just wonderful here in England; a time I look forward to when I am shade-hopping in the heat of summer.
It is soup season and I am very grateful this Autumn to have discovered the recipes, both online and in books, of Heidi Swanson of 101 Cookbooks.
The cauliflower soup that follows has become one of my favourites ever. It's up there with the Cranks Armenian Soup that I love so much.
This soup is creamy and comforting and so very yummy with the mustardy croutons, and yes, I do make the croutons every time, they work so well and then I don't feel obliged to inhale lots of bread on the side (I have form on this one!).

Cauliflower Soup

Ingredients:
170g chunk artisan wholemeal bread, torn into chunks, about 3 cups in total
2tbsp butter
2tbsp extra-virgin olive oil
1/2 tbsp Dijon mustard
1/4 tsp sea salt
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2tbsp butter
2 shallots, chopped(I never have these around & so add another half a white onion)
1 white onion, chopped
sea salt
1 large potato, peeled and cubed
2 cloves garlic, chopped
3 1/2 cups veggie broth/stock
340g cauliflower, cut up into florets (I just use a whole small/medium cauli)
2/3 cup grated strong Cheddar for soup plus extra for topping
2 tsp Dijon mustard
Extra-virgin olive oil, to serve

Method:
Preheat the oven to 350F/180C.
First make the croutons by melting the butter in a small pan. Off the heat add the olive oil, salt and mustard.
Tip the chunks of break into the pan and stir to coat.
Place on a baking sheet and bake for 10-15 minutes until golden and crisp, turning them during baking as necessary.

To make the soup melt the butter in a pan and saute the onions with a big pinch of salt for 5 minutes.
Add the spuds and saute another 4 or 5 minutes.
Add the garlic and the veg stock and stir.
Cook for 2 minutes then add the cauliflower.
Cook until the cauliflower is just tender, 5 minutes more.
Off the heat blend with an immersion blender.
Stir in half the Cheddar and the Dijon mustard, taste and add more salt if necessary.

Serve with more grated Cheddar, the croutons and a drizzle of olive oil.

And eat, ideally with a small boy that refuses not to be in the picture and pouts as he says "soup, soup, soup" over and over again!
Enjoy and I hope it's stonking enough for you all.

ships & seaside

2011-10-24T16:07:00.003+01:00

Ah, Frinton beach on a bright October day.
Looks idyllic eh?
Certainly did from the windscreen of the camper van as I parked and then I couldn't open the door to get out as the wind was an Easterly and was a flippin' strong one!
I pushed with my shoulder and it slammed right back in my face.
But, I am British, we love a romp on the beach in such weather; the sky was blue, the waves were, um, choppy and we were anyway meeting with my friend Emily and her two boys Halim and Zakir.
We all braved the wind and walked from Frinton to Walton pier and back before picnicking in a shelter.
The running around did me good.
The wind in my face was such a tonic.
And I was able to wear, for the first time and for its inaugural visit to Frinton, my just-completed and much swooned over (only by me to be honest; it can be lonely being the only yarn botherer in the house!) ships & seaside cowl.
I have but recently discovered Stephanie Dosen's knitting patterns and just love the charm of them. She does admittedly look a bit more serene and dainty in her cowl than I do at 5'10" and windswept but the great thing about this cowl is it felt beautiful and was absolutely ideal in the strong East of England (the wind blew Emily's youngest Zakir, at barely three and quite petite anyway, clean off his feet and onto the sand!).

And here I am sooooo happily wearing it, along with many other layers and a real frozen smile!
And lastly, a picture of my boy, the one my heart beats for.
Every day.

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Back soon, with tales of ratio alterations : up, down, no up again, no too much down again. Sound familiar?!
And with a stonking soup recipe.
Lovely love to all and yes, I did get A LOT of oxygen at that beach and am a little high on it methinks ...

Colchester 24

2011-10-22T22:21:00.008+01:00

~ be here now ~

I have been really pleased to be able to take part in a lovely local project called Colchester24, a town-wide photography project that was open to anyone living in Colchester.
The idea is to record twenty-four hours in the life of the town by snapping pictures of your life and what you are doing from noon on Friday 21st October to noon on Saturday 22nd October 2011.
I submitted the following photos and will be very interested in seeing the collection once it is completed.
It makes for fascinating viewing looking back at the accepted submissions from 25 years ago, which, if you're interested, can be found here .

~ waiting for his porridge to cool ~
~ never not knitting ~
~ patching the door snake ~
~ the little chef ~

A happy weekend to you all.

Corners of my home - Reality Bites!

2011-10-17T22:24:00.004+01:00

I love it when people post about the pretty little corners of their homes.
I find it inspiring and uplifting and really, honestly not at all guilt-inducing about my own home.
And on this note I couldn't resist the other day taking photos of my home in all its post-holiday glory.
Enjoy!
I guarantee it won't induce any guilt in anyone!The kitchen counter with

one rubber glove; can't find its partner
diabetes kit open and mid-use
piles of books. leaflets and recharging cords
basket of quinces from the garden
tea towel flung and left

A corner near the fridge:

there are cars, always, all over the house, and I love these little reminders of my boy. They are painful reminders when you tread barefoot on them too!

The hob:

River Cottage Preserves book open to the left as I was making quince & apple sauce
Spuds and soup on the hob.
Dinosaurs on the counter; like cars there are dinos everywhere.
And a globe pencil sharpener. What home is complete without a globe pencil sharpener?

In choosing to photograph my home in its real state I managed to find it funny that we were living so chaotically for a while.
Things are tidier today but that might change tomorrow.
That this is just how it is, suits me just fine.

At Daymen's Hill Orchard

2011-10-16T20:17:00.005+01:00

A few days ago Frank and I drove out towards Tiptree for a new adventure.
My friend Sue had told me of a family run fruit farm where you can pick your own apples and pears.
Moved to action by the evocative postings of some blogging friends in the US I wanted a little apple picking action of my own and in this Frank was a very willing partner.
It was just so very lovely.
The trees were groaning with the fruit and I filled a basket with pears and one with apples.
Notice Frank's stance here? He quickly adopted a defensive head-kind-of-down stance after being hit on the bonce one too many times as he pulled the fruit free.
This fruit was so very ready to fall it needed little encouragement!

Then he sloped off to eat blackberries direct from the bush whilst I paid and dreamt of all the yummy things I was going to make with all that fruit.
I so love autumn and it's days of plenty and those first signs of people lighting fires and wearing socks and scarves.

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And in the D-news we were at Addenbrooke's hospital for our quarterly pump clinic and check up and came away with some new ratios and some big smiles : 7.3.
Holding steady.

The blanket I knitted to relieve D-stress!

2011-10-04T20:42:00.006+01:00

May I introduce you to this lovely little number?
It is a small blanket, perfect for having over your knees on a cold winter's evening or at the open air theatre in summer.
Or even for carrying around with you, Linus style, when your D-kid is ill!
The pattern is Hap Blanket by Ysolde Teague and is my first real attempt at lace knitting - Ravelry notes here.
I knitted the whole blanket on our holiday in Holland (and even made a baby hat for Frieda too!) which gives you some indication of how relaxing a holiday it was and how much I needed to keep myself quietly occupied.
Basically the centre block is garter stitch and then you pick up around the edges and knit the lace.
This is my sister's Christmas present (along with a tea cosy, which I will show you once it's finished) and these colours are very much her thing. Heather doesn't read my blog so I think I am safe in showing it off here (if you are popping by Heather, um, Happy Christmas!).

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This knitting was just what I needed after the week before the holiday when Frank was ill.
I am aware that I am not writing about the D much at present.
Believe me it's always there and has been challenging recently.
I was completely wrung out before the trip to Holland as Frank had had a fever for three days and then diahorrea for four days and continued to be low on energy and not really eating when we packed the van and headed off to the ferry port.
I had been in two minds about whether to go or not but we had discussed it and felt that he was on the mend and they have hospitals and doctors and medicine in Holland after all!
So, we went and after a couple of days he perked up, started eating like mad and was fine.
Again, it comes back to the idea of getting out and just going for it and yet this is such uneven ground.
We were not taking a regular healthy child away, we were taking a child WITH DIABETES away and it was scary.
We are three years in to this bloody game (anniversary if diagnosis next Monday, in fact) and it does not get easier to make decisions like this one.
In all honesty though, I did make this decision knowing, absolutely knowing, that I would be able to make better calls regarding Frank's health than pretty much any other health professional and that I wasn't afraid to tell people what to do, should it come to it!
I am D-Mum, hear me roar!

Holland and a nod to Elizabeth Barrett Browning

2011-10-01T22:19:00.008+01:00

How do I love thee, Holland?
Let me count the ways:

I love that you gave Frank a really great hot chocolate experience after a long cycle one day.I love that you let Sarah and James rest and enjoy a mellow week with me and my boys.

I love that you have a mad, mad clock in the centre of Alkmaar that rings , elaborately, every quarter of an hour ( and was just across the square from our flat).
Some nights I found this so amusing, others really not so much!

I love your cycle paths that are bigger than Cornish roads and make cycling such an unadulterated pleasure.
I love your canals and the lovely homes right next to them.
Yes! Real people live in places like this.

I love the soft September sand in my toes and, indeed, everywhere after Frank decided we needed to "romp" on the beach and we both got covered in the stuff rolling around and wrestling for ages (whilst Andrew stood near by and pretended he didn't know the giggling maniacs on the sand in front of him!).

I love how happy you make my family with cycles to the beach through pretty villages and pine forests.

I love the flat you provided for us in Alkmaar, right on the canal and across the road from the cheese market and the beer museum; above a toy shop and next to a chip shop.
You were showing off in this instance, dear Holland.

I love that you gave us space to hang out, in harmony, all five of us.

I love, oh how I love, your bicycles.
So cool, so stylish and so practical.

And I love your cheese. Mature Gouda was the best. Gouda with cumin seeds was fab too. Goats' Gouda was , um, interesting.

This land is often unsung. Just not mentioned but I love its gentle way of life, its adherence to quality in life and not quantity.
The Netherlands are only a few hours from my home. Half an hour drive to the port, an overnight ferry and lo! The Promised Land.

I am already checking out return trips and ferry prices.
This was the best holiday we've had in ages (much better than that soggy week in Devon with all the dead crows and stuff).

And the cheese museum? Mmmmmmmmmmmmm ...

{ this moment }

2011-09-30T20:07:00.005+01:00

A single photo, capturing a moment from the week.
A simple, special, extraordinary moment.
A moment I want to pause, savour and remember.

~ inspired by Amanda at Soulemama

Harvesting our small grapevine.
We juice the grapes and are enjoying four bottles of Chateau Budd this year.
It's vintage enough for us, drunk at breakfast and within a week!
(Photo credit ~ Mr Frank)

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P.S. I am well as are the boys. Back tomorrow with tales of falling off the vegan wagon in spectacular style (it was Holland, so think cheese, chocolate and more cheese ... mmmmmm), of why Holland really is the promised land, of knitting a whole blanket whilst on holiday, of apple picking at Daymen's Farm and of the reality of corners of my home.
I am loving, just loving, reading all your posts since I was away but am refraining from commenting or else I may have some kind of blog-induced breakdown!
Big cheesy love to all.

Lookin' Good Mr. Ruben!

2011-09-05T21:17:00.002+01:00

May I introduce my friend Sue's little man, Ruben?
This season Ruben turns one and will be sporting a fabulous new vest with a little owl cable down the front and knitted by his Mummy's friends Jules.
And he wears it well, doesn't he?!

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Not much blogging this week as Frank has gone down with a fever and I find it hard to be upbeat and bloggy at times like this.
He is off his food and we are keeping a close eye on him.
I am knitting lots whilst he sleeps and we have been doing some colouring and watercolour painting and watching of The Blue Planet when he's awake.
Back soon. Love to all.

The Sky and River in Constable Country

2011-08-28T20:09:00.006+01:00

Early this summer we made a family list of all the things we would like to do before summer drew to a close.
Well, today is 28th August and we finally got around to taking Frank out on the River Stour in a rowing boat.
We are all huge fans of The Wind in the Willows by Kenneth Grahame and love the stretch of water between Dedham and Flatford.
One can walk along the river from the pretty village of Dedham to Flatford along the Stour Valley.
One side of the river is in Essex and the other in Suffolk.
It is our go-to family walk for any occasion.
Once in Flatford there is the water mill and a fab tea room and cafe (always a winner!). The mill was famously painted by John Constable (and by this I mean he painted a picture of it not that he whitewashed it!!).
And if you have a look at his paintings he took such care over and put such detail into his skies. Big billowing clouds, shades of grey, blue and purple.
Wonderful stuff.
These pastoral scenes have become a little over-exposed as they have been used for placemats and tea towels and ties, much like Vincent's sunflowers.
I don't think it is fashionable to love Constable but as he painted the beauty of my home county I feel a great fondness for his work.
So, as you have a look at my two men in a boat, look also behind them to the trees, the willows dangling into the water and that big Constable sky.

They loved it.
Frank, of course, wanted to row and those huge oars weigh a ton for him so he resorted to sitting at the front and either shouting "Ahoy" to other people heading up the river or calling out "Fire the cannons" at them instead.
I sat smiling and hid behind my shades ...
We docked the boat back at the launch jetty and about three seconds later (with no exaggeration) the sky opened and it rained like mad for as long as it took us to run to the van!
We picnicked and steamed the van up as we dried and then drove home via McLaughlan's for sweetcorn fresh from the fields.
A lovely kind of day.

Eight and Fifty-six

2011-08-26T22:33:00.009+01:00

What is going on?
August is speeding by and I can barely keep up!
Living with a lively five year old keeps me on my toes and we have been enjoying long days out and two big celebrations this past week, with more to come soon (my Mum turns 80 next weekend).

In no particular order we have celebrated our eighth wedding anniversary and Andrew's (56th) birthday.
He looks good on it, hey??
Our wedding anniversary was spent enjoying (vegan) pancakes for breakfast and a lazy family day just hanging out together.
For Andrew's special day we spent time at our friend's beach hut on Mersea Island. The photo above shows his (vegan) chocolate cake, which went down a storm and tasted so good with the sea air. But then doesn't everything taste better with sea air in it?
Frank decorated the top and took great care with the berries and candles.
I went to my first Knitting under the Willow at the Natural Dye Studio in Hollesley, Suffolk and bought some amazing yarn. My friend Jan and I both cast on an Ishbel shawl on the day but I am not convinced I am up to lace knitting yet.
I'll give it a go though.
And the 30 Day Vegan continues.
For a couple of days I had withdrawal symptoms for my strong English tea with milk and then my head cleared and I feel fine.
The course is one I would very highly recommend as it is very supportive and I have to say I have been blown away by how easy I have found the transition.
Heather is very generous with her information and I have learnt to "crowd out" my diet with all the good stuff.
So, rather than focus on what I am not eating I fill my tummy with loads of wholefood goodness!

The blueberry breakfast loaf has been a staple here and I love it with almond butter.
The quinoa tabbouleh is yummy too.
And I have even managed to complete Andrew's Christmas jumper (yes, last Christmas before anyone asks).
I don't think I will go back to tea with milk. I feel so well not eating dairy products that I might just have a little Greek yoghurt (we have a brand here called Total and it's just too yummy to not eat!) and a little cheese here and there. Fish I miss but not as much as I expected.
It is proving a really eye-opening experience and is definitely helping me with my mid-afternoon energy slumps.
The D is mostly behaving itself but it never lets up, does it? The nights are long but I have made my peace with that. It was, however, a bit of a shock to spend time on our wedding anniversary looking at the wedding photos. We each had years and years of good nights' sleep like regular folks and we looked great! Na ja ...
Tomorrow sees the fantabulous return of the Colchester Free Festival so we will be cycling into town to enjoy some kiddo crafts and stories and then some live music from local bands.

Love to you all for a happy and peaceful, and safe if you are on the East coast of the USA, weekend.

Lovely

2011-08-21T21:47:00.005+01:00

I met up with a fellow blogger this week: the lovely Anna of Parallel Lives.
We began reading each others' blogs and e.mailing after she read a comment of mine on another blog and worked out that we live just 20 miles from each other. For a while we were e.mailing and commenting away and then it seemed strange not to meet.
I mean twenty miles! It's so close as to make it almost an insult not to meet.
So, a few days before that start of the 30 Day Vegan I contacted her to say I was going to be in Manningtree to stock up on wholefoods and suggested we meet for lunch.
So, we did. And two days before going Vegan for 30 days I had a yummy lunch of three cheese rigatoni and chocolate hazelnut torte with ice cream!
Oh, my it was good.
But not as good as seeing a familiar face from a familiar blog walk in the door.
After the initial weirdness that surely all bloggers meeting up feel of "I know all about you in so many ways and yet I have no idea who you are" we settled in with our heaps of melted cheese on pasta and began to talk.
And talk.
And talk.
On the drive home I kept thinking of things I had forgotten to ask and hoping I hadn't waffled on too much about Diabetes.
And then just one week later we met again in Frinton for a day on the beach and I met Anna's gorgeous children and fab husband. Frank was immediately taken under the wing of Anna's son, Johnny, and played on the beach with Livvy whilst watching Anna's eldest, Abi, playing in the sea. They were all such easy and engaging company.
What a lovely, lovely family.
And my mind is still spinning with things I want to ask and talk to Anna about.
I have read before about D-parents meeting up and of how lovely it is and this was just the same. We were friends before we met.
And just like I look forward to a friend's next post, I also look forward to seeing Anna and her family again.
Blogging rocks!

Getting the kitchen in order for 30 Day Vegan

2011-08-14T15:55:00.006+01:00

OK, so I caved and have returned before the beginning of September!

It turns out I only needed a couple of weeks away from the computer to feel much restored and ready to share my little kitchen with you as I prepare for taking part in Heather's 30 Day vegan course/Summer camp.
I have been sprucing up the kitchen in preparation and have had a great time spending my evenings sorting and pottering.

This is my pantry door. It is more than 100 years old and I salvaged it from a friend.
She used it as the door for her dark room, hence the holes in the top!

And inside it is now tidy and clean.
The spuds from the garden are in the basket and I even harvested all the garlic the other day and strung it ready for use (just in case anyone saw that huge garlic string and thought we maybe had vampire problems here in Essex!)

And I even had a yummy vegan lunch today of corn tortilla chips and peach & apple salsa. This time of year we get about a three week window of tasty, juicy peaches and then they just don't do so well.
I love fresh peaches and intend to make this salsa a lot.
It was so tasty. The meal was finished off with a slice of Nigella's Apple Syrup upside down pie (not vegan but very tasty, though too sweet even for me, and I often cut the sugar in her recipes).
And tomorrow we begin. 30 days vegan. I have yet to 'fess up to the group that I have two big hurdles in this month: one is my Mum's 80th birthday and she loves cheesecake and the other is that we go on holiday about six days before the end of the course to Alkmaar in Holland.
Not only is Holland the land of cheese but Alkmaar has a famous cheese market and the holiday apartment we and our lovely friends are renting is called "At the Cheese Market".
Snowballs in hell spring to mind!

Happy August to all.
I will endeavour to catch up with all your posts very soon.

Taking a Break

2011-08-02T21:43:00.006+01:00

We are having such a lovely summer (yes, not enough sleep, blood sugar mostly behaving but with the usual curve balls lobbed at me every day or so) and I am finding it hard to get to the computer.
Add to this, Frank managing to break my beloved camera by dropping it on the garden path! It now makes a sad kind of squeak when it gets used and takes very fuzzy photos indeed. He has decided that is fine for him and so, in his quest to be a wildlife cameraman, he spends a while each day taking lots of pictures of his orcas and shark toys and then showing them to me at high speed.
I need to get organised and get a new camera. It has surprised me how much I miss taking pictures of our days. And the weather over here is just so lovely, the sky so blue some days that the photos would be fabulous!
It's actually a bit too hot for us and we spend part of each days shade hopping and drinking iced water.
Life is good and I am going to sign out for August to enjoy every moment of it.
I am still reading all my beloved bloggy friend's words and will comment as much as I find time for.
Have a fantabulous August and I will be back at this space on 1st September with a summary of our month.
Love to all!
xxxx

P.S. I am sorry for freaking you all out over my previous post! Perhaps I won't tell you all the story of my Dad playing Hide and Seek with Frank and then just getting distracted by the washing or some such domestic thing and just leaving Frank hiding and not mentioning it to me for far too flipping long ...

Hide and Freak

2011-07-30T20:48:00.004+01:00

When I realised that I was going to use that title for this post I had a feeling that any D-parents reading would immediately have a clear idea what it would be about and had probably experienced it at some point.
It was one of those experiences that so many wonderful bloggers have mentioned before where the true, true reality of your situation really slaps you back in the face.
You have been cruising for a while, getting on with the BG tests, the pump site changes, the lows and highs, the nights and the days and even sometimes daring to feel like you are living a regular life (Ha! Right?!) and then something happens that makes the ground shift, and things fall into a different focus, and reality bites.
Frank and I were at my friend Helen's house for our monthly home ed meeting and the kids, as always, were having a ball racing around together, only calling into the kitchen for snacks and hugs.
They decided to play Hide and Seek.
They do this every time and have fun in Helen's lovely garden, hiding near the chickens or behind the shed.
This time was fine apart from the moment when they all seemed to begin playing another game and I happened to hear one of them mention quietly that they hadn't found Frank yet.
***********************
My adrenal glands leapt into action and I felt a kind of little jolt inside me.
I checked again whether they had found Frank yet and they confirmed that they hadn't.
It was 12:15.
Lunchtime.
Yes, he had had snacks but he had also been racing around lots.
I put my coffee down and headed out to the garden to find him, thinking he'd just hidden somewhere they hadn't yet looked.
I looked everywhere outside.
I called him.
I told him the game had finished and he had won.
Nothing.
I looked inside the house. I called again. I went outside again and called.
Other parents now joined me and called and looked and called again.
Quietly and in my British way I began to panic. I sounded calmer but my friends saw how set my jaw was and how my eyes were darting all around.
The film running through my brain had Frank passed out and fitting.
I welled up, ready to cry.
One of the children mentioned then to his Mum that Frank was "under a table".
We all checked again under all the garden tables and then finally, finally I saw Frank's trouser leg under a side table in the lounge.
He was conscious, and smiling, and wondering why it took everyone so long to find him.
My knees felt weak.
The tears began to come but I managed to sniff them away.
Frank was so pleased he had won the game.
Then Helen said "Are you OK?" and all I could say and feel was "Yes, but scratch the surface and it's always there, always".
***********************
And it is, isn't it.
Some days we can feel almost carefree, but scratch the surface ...

Soulemama and me

2011-07-23T20:48:00.005+01:00

A while back the lovely Sarah asked me in the comments section what projects I had ever done from Amanda Bake Soule's books and how I found them.
I fully intended to let her know there and then but just didn't get around to it and then um, forgot.
So here , right now, is my reply.
And, Sarah, sorry for the delay!
I have two of Amanda's books : Handmade Home and The Creative Family. They are both fantastic and very inspirational. Amanda really does strike a great and sane balance between the desire to be creative and the reality of making things whilst being surrounded by children and having little time and limited resources.
Some of the issues facing parents who want to craft/create is that they have so little time, even to shop for the stuff for projects. Handmade Home addresses this by emphasising using stuff we already have: old sheets, towels, tea towels, children's clothes that they have grown out of.
The Creative Family is jam-packed with ideas for bringing just a little more creativity into the life of a family. Small steps and introducing some ideas slowly have been great for Frank and I. (Andrew loves the idea of it all but it tends to be me that does this kind of stuff).

Scarf from Handmade Home. Made for Sev's birthday. Hidden behind Frank (he wouldn't leave her side for the photo call!) are some vintage buttons, courtesy of my Great Aunt Dolly.

Wall hanging with pockets for Frank's room from Handmade Home. Made from old blankets and bits of fabric I had at home already. It is hanging from an old curtain pole! And just above it the DREAM banner made from an old army blanket and some felt, also from Handmade Home.

Bunting banner. I have made loads of these, as you all know! They are such a great way of using up old fabric and people love receiving them as gifts.
From the birthday banner idea in The Creative Family.

Bath mat from Handmade Home. This was made from an old pale yellow towel I already had (it is around 25 years old as I remember having it when I was a student!). The floral material is an off cut from some curtains I made years ago and never threw away. Many people have commented on this and asked where I bought it.

Pillow Case dress from Handmade Home. Made for my sister's littlest girl, Nancy.

In all honesty, I have made other things too. I just forget to photograph them!
The Family Heart from Handmade Home has been a great hit with Frank, who puts a piece of my jewellery in its little pocket whenever I go out.
And the Silky Eye Pillow has been made many times as gifts for friends and to use the fab lavender I managed to bag from a friend of a friend's garden last summer.

***********************
And Amanda has a new book out next month. I am twitching for it already.
Tomorrow we are running a cycling event to raise awareness of Type 1.
Back soon with photos from that.

{ this moment }

2011-07-22T21:04:00.004+01:00

A single photo, capturing a moment from the week.
A simple, special, extraordinary moment.
A moment I want to pause, savour and remember.

~ inspired by Amanda at soulemama

Berry picking. Is there a better summer activity for children? I think not.

Look Out, Look Out, There's a Dragon about

2011-07-17T21:35:00.005+01:00

One of the reasons for my absence from this space over the past couple of weeks is that I have been beavering away on a dragon costume for Frank for the Colchester Carnival that took place this weekend.
I try hard not to use the computer during the day when I am with Frank so I tend to write in the evening.
Well, over the past two weeks all my evenings have been spent getting ready for Frank's birthday last weekend and for the dragon this weekend.
I am ready for a rest and for a couple of weeks of no deadlines like these!

But it was so very worth it.
Frank had a ball roaring at his friends, most of whom were dressed as knights, and chasing them at speed around the Abbey Fields before the procession set off and he joined his Daddy on the trailer bike.
Andrew had kitted the bike out with a little castle for the dragon to live in complete with windows for him to peep through.
It rained cats and dogs all day.
Downpour after downpour and yet it stopped just for about an hour and a half, and that just happened to be the hour and a half that we were walking through town in the procession. Serendipity indeed.

We have been really struggling to bring his blood sugars down over the past month. We are rarely seeing anything under ten and I am not a happy bunny with this trend.
But, last week we had pump clinic in Cambridge and his HbA1c came back as 7.6.
Holding steady.
Not as high as we thought it might be. We were relieved.
Numbers were crunched at the clinic and we adjusted some ratios and now we try to bring those numbers down.
It is relentless (but I don't have to tell most of you that) and I don't like winning often enough, but hey ho, it is what it is.
I hope to be here more often very soon.
I miss ruminating on life to my small (but, surely adoring) public ... ahem.

********************************************************
Loving all your posts, will find time to comment as soon as I can.
Love to all.

{ this moment }

2011-07-15T20:54:00.004+01:00

A single photo, capturing a moment from the week.
A simple, special, extraordinary moment.
A moment I want to pause, savour and remember.

~ inspired by Amanda at soulemama

Fuzzy photo as he was a blur of new-found speed.
Such a busy week. Back very soon with more photos and more words.
Sev just arrived! Off to open the champagne!!!

Five

2011-07-10T20:41:00.004+01:00

Oh, what a weekend!
My baby turned five on Saturday.
We had a special birthday breakfast of his choosing (pains au chocolat and strawberries on the side) followed by a cycle into town for our Circle-D Colchester diabetes family support group monthly meeting (wow, that's a mouthful).
We then had lunch in a cafe in town and came home to play his new and much requested board game : Monopoly.
He did really well following the rules and we played for ages, only stopping for Frisbee in the garden and then a couple of episodes of original (1969!!) Scooby-Doo; his latest DVD love.
A lovely, family day for my lovely boy.

{ this moment }

2011-07-08T17:47:00.004+01:00

A single photo ~ capturing a moment from the week.
A simple, special, extraordinary moment.
I moment I want to pause, savour and remember.

~ inspired by Amanda at soulemama

Apple and strawberry crumble for brunch, with Anne and Kaija joining us.
We played Frisbee afterwards.
A good way to start any day.
*********************************
Apologies for the lack of posts this week but have been busy preparing for someone's birthday. Someone is FIVE tomorrow!

{ this moment }

2011-07-01T21:33:00.004+01:00

A single photo ~ capturing a moment from the week.
A simple, special, extraordinary moment.
A moment I want to pause, savour and remember.

~ inspired by Amanda at soulemama

The boy who tells me that he doesn't like dressing up wearing his suit from Sudan (his best friend Halim's papa is Sudanese), wellies and Daddy's chainsaw helmet.
Best laugh all week!

The Power of Yes ~ You Can Do This

2011-06-30T11:52:00.005+01:00

If you are new to this lark of being a parent to a child with Type 1 Diabetes I have some things I'd like to say:

Welcome. Come in and sit down. Have this cup of tea (and yes, we do drink it like this in England, all day!).

OK. A door has closed, actually it has slammed in your face, probably bashing your nose as it did so. Children do not get diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes gently, over a long period. It's a sudden diagnosis (with a slow mo "Oh, of course, that's what it was " thing playing out in the parents' heads) and life will NEVER be the same. NEVER. That road you thought you were rolling down is gone. But that's OK because, when it comes to it, insulin exists and your child is about to have a fabulous life.

Have a good cry. Shout, sob, let the snot run down your chin. Then pick yourself up and get on. Your child still has Type 1 Diabetes. Damn. Repeat this as necessary. Two and a half years in I do it once or twice every four months or so. I have stopped wondering when I'll get used to it. I already am. It just still knocks the wind out of me on occasion. I still grieve. I am still raw to a great extent. I allow it to and then return to kicking it into shape.

Take each day as it comes, at first. Planning for parties and trips and flu season can come, and will come, as and when you need it to. If your child has a fever, read up on fevers. If you have a trip planned, buy juice and snacks and read up on travelling with the D-sprite coming along too.

Get on line and CONNECT with others. Yes, you are shocked and yes, you are tired but there is such comfort in being in the company of others who are as wrecked as you. They get it, fully.

Say yes to life; to experiences. A regular routine is so good for the management of Type 1 Diabetes BUT doing other exciting stuff feeds the soul and is imperative. Choose wisely the first party or sleepover or trip and plan well. It might still be crazy but you'll learn and you'll feel great for looking it in the eye.
********************************************

You Can Do This because many others do it too.

And they are not superhuman.

Just parents and carers.

You are not alone.

*****************************************

You can do this also because you have to.

And with that thought comes a certain freedom.

It's non-negotiable.

Get that kettle on and do it with pride and soul and attitude and the knowledge that you are among friends.

P.S. Always skip and eat your carrots.

My little extra safety net

2011-06-29T23:14:00.007+01:00

I have a lovely, creative friend (Hey, Tanya!) who is a jewellery designer.
We met when she started the Knit & Natter Group that I have been going to for two years now.
Generally, she works in silver and gold and I love her work.
When she quietly told the small group of us at the knitting group that she had an idea for a range of children's jewellery we were all really pleased for her and, I have to say, I was particularly excited as I thought Frank would really understand why I'd like him to wear one and would feel OK about it.
The bracelet, and there are necklaces too, comes in a range of colours and we chose the sea colours for Frank as he is so into his sea creatures at the moment.
The beads are imprinted with my mobile phone number. If Frank and I are separated anywhere public he knows to tell people that my number is on his bracelet so that I can be contacted.
It has become increasingly clear to me that a medical bracelet is great but Frank has tended not to want to wear one. I would like him to and he will soon I am sure but this one makes sure too that I am contacted for information.
This reassures me as I remain unconvinced that every medical person knows how to deal with Type 1 Diabetes.

*****************************
My photos don't do justice to Tanya's great work but if you fancy an extra little safety net then I would definitely recommend these.
Frank's one stood up well to beach time and showers and he has taken to reminding me of times we go out to new or big places that he might need his bracelet.
Tanya's website can be found here : www.tlk-jeweller.com/cherubs
And I get no discount for this!
Promise!
I just love the product and drool over some of her other stuff too ... but that's for another post.

A Little Trip

2011-06-29T22:38:00.003+01:00

Southwold Pier.
Walberswick car park and the beautiful wooden buildings, with Southwold on the horizon.
The white camper van is ours!
Throwing rocks into the sea. Loving wearing his new emergency bracelet, as it is "sea colours, Mummy".
Chocolate ice-cream and full concentration.
The sign outside the Sailors' Reading Room in Southwold (I love a good, and well-placed apostrophe!).
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Frank and I are just back from a night away in the van at a lovely campsite in Dunwich up on the Suffolk coast near Minsmere nature reserve.
We drove up on Monday morning, sorted out our pitch and then headed into Southwold for the day.
It was hot and thus busy and, as always, so beautiful.
Southwold is one of my favourite places and as I am a Suffolk girl I have a soft spot for any beautiful place in my county.
We spent time having lunch in a cafe and then strolled along the prom and then had great fun on the pier enjoying the amusements and the view.
After all that we played on the beach for a while but the sun was so very hot we had to beat a retreat and seek out some shade.
On the way back to the campsite we stopped off at Walberswick for ice cream and then spent the evening on the beach throwing stones into the sea and searching for stones with holes in them.
The extreme heat saw us finding it difficult to get to sleep but that was fine as we were together and happy in each other's company.
Each time I go away alone with Frank and the D I gain a little more confidence. As long as I have all the necessary kit and snacks and juice I feel OK and know I can deal with most eventualities.
Andrew returns today after eight days abroad.
I have done this and done it well these past eight days.
I am also ready for some sleep!

{ this moment }

2011-06-24T10:02:00.004+01:00

A singe photo ~ capturing a moment from the week.
A simple, special, exraordinary moment.
A moment I want to pause, savour and remember.

~ inspired by Amanda at soulemama

Ollie, Frank and Lizzie play on the Komodo Dragon.

haiku

2011-06-22T14:38:00.003+01:00

having put to sleep

the child there's the laundry now

and the summer moon

Issa, Japan

Summer Solstice

2011-06-21T20:06:00.002+01:00

Happy Solstice to you all.

The longest day has been a stay-at-home one for us and Frank and I spent some time making a special meal and setting a special table.
I made beef cooked in beer with spicy dumplings, followed by berries and cream.
It was yummy (aside from the fact that Frank wouldn't eat it as the potatoes were the wrong size!!).
Frank decorated the solstice table.
He started small with small tea glasses of flowers from the garden.
And then the muse struck and he went to town with napkins, sea creatures and dinosaurs, carefully placing the meat eaters away from his place so he could eat his meat and they wouldn't steal it!
I couldn't not post pictures of his table.
It was adorable.

this week

2011-06-19T09:35:00.011+01:00

This week

I am admiring the third Milo vest I have completed, this one is for baby Ruben's first birthday. He is one in October and I can't quite grasp that I have this ready in June! Andrew's Christmas jumper is still languishing in the knitting basket. He might get it for his birthday in August. Or next Christmas ...

(this is an owl cable, can you see why?)

I am working hard to get on top of the spread of toys and laundry around the house, hoping to get things cleared enough to think straight when Andrew goes away for eight days very soon.
I am loving the Frank's-eye-view I get whenever he borrows my camera and pads around the house capturing his world.

in our bathroom, which is the Sea Room, part of Frank's "My Museum" that takes up the whole house (complete with whale sharks and "sea dinosaurs")

I am pleased to have found time to watch "The King's Speech" and loved it. The only strange moment that had Andrew and I laughing out loud was seeing Tim Spall being Winston Churchill. I am a big Tim Spall fan and his face was almost too well known to be Churchill. I felt that by then I had already accepted far too many well known faces as other people to take anymore. Mr Darcy is Bertie, Duke of York? Bellatrix Lestrange is the Duchess of York? Elizabeth Bennett is now married to Jeffrey Rush, the ghost pirate? And now Peter Pettigrew is Winston Churchill! My brain was melting with all the cross-referencing!
I am finding joy at rediscovering an old habit; that of knitting whilst watching flickr slide shows of my favourite creative bloggers or photographers whose work inspires/relaxes me.
I am loving the full-on rain we have had. Our crops and gardens SO need this. Farmers around the country, I am sure, are breathing sighs of relief.
I am battling BG numbers in their teens and a boy who scarcely eats a whole meal but wants to graze. Grazing is good but hard on the D-parent sometimes,
I am still shocked at visiting my parents and going with them to their local supermarket to witness my nearly 80-year old mother take a small and very sharp serrated knife out of her handbag. She then proceeded to chop the stalks off the broccoli she was intending to buy. My gasp of horror led only to her explaining what she was doing and saying that as she didn't eat the stalk she didn't want to pay for it! I now await the knock on the door as the police arrive to tell me she has been taken into custody for WALKING AROUND WITH A WEAPON IN HER OLD LADY HANDBAG.
I am really pleased with myself for chatting to the manager of Starbucks in town and securing the Community wall for a little exhibition of photos I want to put up called "The Face of Diabetes". The idea is to counteract the ongoing struggle we seem to have to make people recognise that Type 1 diabetes is not the same as Type 2. That wall is mine in November! Just have to get myself organised, it could creep up on me. Thanks to Jen for motivating me to do this. I'd had the idea for a while but just hadn't done anything about it. Then the day after I did this we had a new TV ad here in the UK about going to local pharmacies to get yourself tested for Diabetes. Not Type 2 Diabetes. Just Diabetes. Well, the Type 1 D-parents and D-adults swung into enraged action and the ad was altered with a message along the bottom of the screen saying something along the lines of "Type 2 diabetes only. Not for you if you are under 16 or have already been diagnosed with diabetes". The D-Community was absolutely right to swing into this action not just because of the lazy labelling and consequent emotional pain and possible medical confusion caused but also to raise awareness of diabetes and its complications there has been a sculpture of LIMBS in Trafalgar Square as a shock tactic. What four year old Type 1 diabetic doesn't need to see a pile of limbs as a warm-hearted message about his condition, eh? (That was a sarcastic, rhetorical question by the way!)
I am mostly wearing cardigans and my clogs. And channelling Jesse from The Fast Show. (Just look for The Fast Show on You Tube for it. It's all good! I loved this show.)

Happy Weekend to you all!

{this moment}

2011-06-17T16:09:00.005+01:00

A single photo ~ capturing a moment from the week.

A simple, special, extraordinary moment.
A moment I want to pause, savour and remember.
~ inspired by Amanda at soulemama

Scared of dogs no more.

Peanut Butter Krispy Treats

2011-06-16T20:36:00.004+01:00

Thank you to everyone that took time to respond to my call for help. It really, really helped to hear other stories and some great ideas too. You are all fab!

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In an attempt to get the Boy Wonder to consume a variety of grains ... oh, who am I kidding ... in an attempt to get Frank to eat ANY GRAIN OTHER THAN WHITE WHEAT, I stealthily add various things to recipes he might eat.
To his white bread I add whole wheat or rye or rice flour. He used to eat rice but won't now. He will allow pasta on his plate but tends not to eat it!! At someone else's house he will devour a whole bowl of Bolognese and pasta but, alas, not at home.
He is suspicious that I am sneaking contraband into his food.
He has a point ...
I have taken to adding ground linseeds or ground almonds to his porridge, making it also with half oat milk and half cow's milk. I sneak squash and sweet potatoes into Bolognese sauce. He will eat raw carrots and celery and peas from the pod and that's it for veg.
I am sounding so over-controlling here but I am concerned as he won't eat other veggies or rice and with his Type 1 Diabetes I am aware that any days of high BG will result in an extra loss of nutrients.
I think we do OK, all in all.
I am not panicked about this but maintain an awareness of what foods are building his body. He eats ice cream and crisps, I am no purist and am very clear on the idea of never forbidding any foods. Children with this condition need no extra food issues in the mix, ideally.
I am reading "The Healthiest Kid in the Neighbourhood" by William Sears at the moment. Lots of the information in it isn't new to me as I have always been interested in nutrition (thankfully, as I had a head start on getting a grip on the whole carb counting thang) but it is very informative about snacking and phases kids go through. I have also found it really useful for giving me ammunition when shopping with Frank. Saying things like "We don't buy that in our family" has been working wonders. However, I think of people like Meri, with older kids, and know I will only be able to use this for a short while. I'll be shopping on line soon!!
One snack that I have rustled up this week has met with a lukewarm response but hasn't been rejected outright are the Peanut Butter treats above. They are really tasty (Andrew and I love them!) and from this book, which has me inspired to go veggie again very soon.
I bought my ingredients in the Wholefood Store in Manningtree (the store I long to be locked in overnight!) and used puffed quinoa instead of rice. They are gluten free and I like to keep them in the fridge to keep them more solid and chewy.

Peanut Butter Krispy Treats
3/4 cup smooth unsalted peanut butter (I only had salted so I omitted the extra salt)
3/4 cup maple syrup
1 scant teaspoon fine-grain sea salt
2 1/2 teaspoons agar flakes
4 cups unsweetened crisp brown rice cereal

Combine the peanut butter, maple syrup, salt and agar flakes in a large sauce pan over a low heat and stir constantly until smooth, hot, melted and bubbling just a bit. Turn off the heat and add the cereal. Stir until well-coated. Transfer to an 8 by 8-inch baking dish and press into place. Refrigerate until completely coo, then cut into small rectangles with a sharp knife.
Makes around 20 treats.

*******************************

In more specifically D-related news we had our first failed site two nights ago and were up until 3am testing and bolusing every hour until we decided to grasp the nettle and change that bastard. Frank moaned a bit but then chatted to us and we all go on with it. the cannula was all bent sideways. His pre-breakfast BG was 5.7, such a relief after 23.8 and similar all night.
In retrospect as I primed the set something felt different in the spring-action thingy, but instead of not using it, I kind of imagined it would all be OK even though it felt a bit wrong.
Next time I won't do that. And from what I read there will be a next time.

River Cottage Canteen

2011-06-14T20:49:00.009+01:00

(Andrew's bitter at the River Cottage Canteen)

After leaving Devon last week we headed East.
En route to my sister's place in Dorset we stopped off at the River Cottage Canteen in Axminster.
We are big Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall fans in this house and so admire him for all he has done to raise awareness of local food issues and animal welfare.
At the canteen Frank was able to have an organic beefburger and chips (he never eats the bun). The salad leaves on the side were regarded with horror and removed by me.
He regards them rather like I would a dead rat on my plate!
(The boy wonder and his meal)
(The other boy wonder eats his faggots)

And Andrew chose Faggots.
I kid you not : pig's heart, liver, and fatty belly meat wrapped with caul (membrane from the pig's abdomen) No idea what it's called in the USA.
Am pretty sure it's not the same thing ... ahem.

I had the beef burger too. I am not at all fond of red meat but felt that here, in this cafe, of all places, it would have come from a happy cow.
I was veggie for22 years and still struggle a bit with the dead animal aspects of meat, even though I am in favour of it being eaten and farmed sustainably.
This day was a happy food day.
Other days are not so great.
****************************
I love to cook and have had such a great time introducing my boy to a whole variety of foods and tastes.
He began with rice porridge and mango and banana.
He ate everything I gave him, except avocado.
My boy that eats absolutely almost anything has now become the same child that (I swear he said this) told me three nights ago, on being presented with his bedtime snack of dried apricots, almonds and slices of apple: "This apple isn't crunchy enough, Mummy".
My mouth dropped open and I felt bewildered, again.
I am struggling to get a variety of food into him.
He is eating things one day and refusing them the next, often for the most spurious reasons.
He will eat meat and potatoes.
White bread and peanut butter (although I an now sneaking almond butter into him by stealth as I hide it under the peanut butter! Mwahaha!).
Carrots and peas from the pod.
He would live on bacon or

salami given the chance.

Have any of you been through anything similar to this?
Is it a phase?
Do you have any recommendations?
What more can I do?

P.S. I honestly don't let Frank know I have these concerns. He knows I want hm to eat lots of different foods that help him grow strong, but that's the extent if it.

{this moment}

2011-06-10T16:01:00.006+01:00

A single photo - capturing a moment from the week.

A simple, special, extraordinary moment.
A moment I want to pause, savour and remember.

~ inspired by Amanda at soulemama ~
Allowed to stay up late & wave a flag for the Cycle Tour of Britain as they did a time trial in the centre of Colchester.

Scenes from Devon

2011-06-07T21:06:00.010+01:00

We spent a windswept and cold week in beautiful Devon.
No trench foot but oh, so much wind. And, as we were camped on a west-facing hill, looking out to sea, from whence a MAD level of wind was howling, it was a challenging week.
My gorgeous tent is lovely and looks great but is not much use in such circumstances, there being no inner tent. The wind whipped the sides up as much as it could and others on the camp site lost tent pegs forever, returning to camp at the end of the day to find their tents in heaps and looking wildly around for sheep with Frankenstein's monster-type tent pegs through their necks.
After two nights we resorted to taking turns to sleep in the van with Frank and oh, the joy of just turning a light on to test BG during the night, rather than holding that torch in your mouth.
I took a few photos but spent also a lot of time with my hands in my pockets feeling grumpy. Andrew assures me I am rarely grumpy so I imagine ten years of teaching teenagers has made me proficient in hiding my true emotions!
A few piccies for you all so those of you across the pond can feel all worldly and knowledgeable about the UK ...
Setting up on day one.
We left at 8am and arrived around half four in the afternoon. Strolling up to the office to check in Frank flopped to the floor with his lowest hypo yet : 2.0.
Great. A week on a hillside and we begin by checking in and dealing with a major hypo simultaneously.
And look! Blue sky. Last we saw of that for a while.

On our way down the hill to Hope Cove.
That, my unworldly American friends, is a Devon ROAD. Yup. It's a road. Two way. All that green hides a wall made of flinty stuff (that's the technical term by the way, ahem) so if you misjudge it in your car, or say camper van, you lose bodywork. There are passing places but that then involves driving backwards uphill or downhill and not hitting the aforementioned flinty-stuff.
Keeps you on your toes, believe me.
I would so love to be a passenger in a car with an American driving down this road! Dan and Winnie, I volunteer you guys. Are you up for it? Detroit is easy, you need a challenge!

I loved this sign, all bent at the edge showing how someone hit it on the way past! And the wild flowers all the way down the lane were amazing.
The first few houses as you enter Hope Cove.
Hope Cove and a windswept boy. Both beautiful.

******************************************************

And then there were days of wind and rain and more grumpy thoughts from me.
On what was to be the penultimate might of camping it was Andrew's turn in the van with the boy.
I tidied up the tent. Made a comfy bed. Got my knitting ready. Got my book out. Lit the gas lamp without losing any eyebrows and settled down for some space.
But, that bloody wind. It picked up and buffeted that poor tent to the point that I got smacked in the head by the canvas so many times that by half midnight I lit the lamp again and read. Until three thirty and I was too tired to read anymore. After that I slept fitfully, off and on, dreaming of wild panthers (The Beast of Bodmin Moor had come to Devon and was in my tent!).

I joined the boys in the van. They were sleeping well and still happily in dreamland. I made myself a cup of tea and sat drinking it, feeling mutinous and very sorry for myself. Then there appeared a little way off but clear enough for me to see a group of three crows. Two of whom proceeded to peck the other to death.
Great. Lovely sight.
I have read enough Shakespeare to take this as a very clear and portentous sign to get the hell out!
And so, we packed up and went to a B&B for the night and oh, the joy of no wind. Electricity! TV! A bed without bugs! The wonder of it all. I felt like The Man Who Fell To Earth (didn't pee myself though, you'll be glad to know!).

And I smiled to be packing up and loved my husband more than ever for being adaptable.
*****************************
Back very soon with a call for help with my used-to-eat-anything-boy now being a mono-diet-boy. I am floundering with feeding him.
Little monkey.

Off to breathe ...

2011-05-21T13:00:00.006+01:00

Hello again, peeps!

I took your advice and took some time out from the electronic world.

My lovely husband also came home early from Scotland. It was a mixture of knowing I was struggling and being a bit fed up with the wind howling in his face and the rain making him wet and cold.

It is good to have him home.

Thank you all for coming to my aid with kind words and support (even you, Amy!).

It was very much needed and much appreciated too.

************************************

We are off camping tomorrow.

This is our summer holiday; a week in our beautiful tent down on the Devon coast and then a couple of days on my sister's farm in Dorset on the way home.

This could be my week:

Fresh air, sunshine, Devon cream teas, days on the beach, Plymouth Sealife Centre, the Devon Moors and wild ponies, reading, clotted cream ice-cream, knitting, local markets and sleeeeeeep, precious sleeeeeep.

Then again, this is England, so it could be :

Rain, wind, hail and sleet, trench foot, soggy sandwiches, rain, caterpillars in my salad (this happened to me in the Cotswolds last time we camped!)and no sleep.

However, I am hopeful.

Our campsite is one mile from a beach called Hope Bay.

Want to join us?!

In preparation for the trip I ignored all my lovely husband's ideas of packing early and took to sewing instead.

Each of us now has a nifty bag for the trip.

Andrew's bag : be.

Frank's bag : Frank Budd Loves Sea Creatures (his exact words when asked if he'd like "create" or "Frank" or something short and snappy!).

********************************

And my bag? Well, you've seen it before and I am only doing what you told me to.

Back in about ten days with oodles of photos and, no doubt, some real Devonian quality cellulite from all the clotted cream teas!

Love to all, and may your next ten days be fabulous and full of good times.

************************************

P.S. Look! I didn't mention the D!!!!

Jen told me this time would come and it has.

I call friends and don't talk about it all the time.

I meet people in town and I don't mention it!

Life goes on ...

Hate and Love aka Sir, the dog ate my homework

2011-05-13T21:32:00.007+01:00

Oh, no, no, no!
Blogger was down and in "read only" mode yesterday just as I managed to get the sprog to sleep and onto the laptop.

I am not as lively of mind as I was last year taking on this week-long challenge and am really tired this evening. Tomorrow morning is our Circle-D families with Diabetes support meeting and I need to get to Castle Park by ten so I am going to attempt the ten things I hate and today's topic in the one post.

Hope that's OK with you guys!

I try not to think of hating diabetes but, in all honesty, I do. It's a bastard.

So, here we go:

Ten Things I Hate About You Diabetes

1) You are a thief. You stole so much from me. I was so full of hope when, against the odds, I found out I was pregnant, so late in life (well, at 39 anyway!). You stole my chance to be hopeful, to believe that doing "the right thing" by my child would be any kind of talisman against the worst that life can throw at us. You stole any chance of a carefree life for my little family.

2) You are a cheat. I hate that you have rules but you don't even pay by them yourself. Dealing with you is a full-on mixture of art and science.

3) You are a bully. You have forced me into sobbing submission many times, mostly through lack of sleep but sometimes when I allow that window in my brain to open (it is normally sealed shut) and the big picture of complications and my baby's whole life being dominated by you hits me like a wet kipper across the face.

4) You are anti-social. You make it difficult to forget anything but you at times. Whatever we are doing and wherever we go BG must be tested, insulin must be given, carbs must be counted and I must stand like a creepy carb and insulin-wielding vulture on the sidelines ready to swoop on my child at any moment.

5) You are an attention-seeking creep. I can't even finish a blog post without having to stop, save and go upstairs to test my boy's BG. Back in a mo .... just time to test Frank. 8.7, and breathe ...

6) You are sadistic. My little baby's little fingers are like leather and are totally pock-marked by all the many finger pricks every day. His bottom is covered with red dots from injections and now pump sites. This will never end. His skin will always suffer. He will endure daily pain to stay alive.

7) You make it complicated. I cannot just take my boy to the beach. Throw in a towel, shove in a drink and a sandwich and drive carefree and laughing to spend the day running around and picking sand out of our food. Oooooh, no. We have to carry so much bloody stuff: diabetes kit, extra insulin and syringes, juice boxes and various glucose tabs and snacks for possible lows, phone for emergencies etc etc etc.

*************************************************

I did finish this post.

I was witty and it took me two hours.

My laptop is playing up but I went for it.

And then I lost the rest of it.

Swore in a most unladylike fashion and stomped off to bed.

At the end I did the things I love.

They were mostly you guys.

Over and over, you guys.

Also the fact that diabetes has made it abundantly clear who my friends are. Some have disappeared entirely, such as the one who regaled me with tales, loudly and just outside the library, of her wonderful sex life with her new partner whilst managing to ignore my child in the buggy and to avoid even asking after him. He had been diagnosed only six months before. Un-flipping-believable!

I should also let you all know that I am going to bow out of the rest of the Blog Week this year.

I am only managing to get Frank to bed at half nine and with Andrew away I am the only one here with the responsibility for the testing at night and all day.

I'm weary.

I need to sleep and conserve my energy for all the absolutely fascinating discussions about whales and farts that fill my days!

Forgive me.

I am still reading what everyone else is writing and will comment.

It is such an amazing and intense week and I shall leap in again next year.

Lots of love to you all.

My Biggest Blooper

2011-05-11T22:56:00.003+01:00

Thank you all for you sweet comments yesterday. I am always so buoyed up by hearing from you.

Today's topic is bloopers and I have remembered my worst one.

It is fair to say that I tend to be more organised than my husband about taking all the kit necessary out with me. The bag I carry is huge and it's generally full of D-kit, juice boxes, water, snacks, wet wipes, tissues, camera, purse, phone, hand cream, pens etc.

I am also sometimes a bit short-tempered with my husband about not being organised.

However, one day I took Frank along to a music class. I parked and we went in. Halfway through the class Frank mentioned that he felt "wobbly". I calmly reached into my bag for his kit and kept reaching. I rummaged, I went from feeling for it to looking and then realised that I must have left it at home, a good ten minutes drive away.

Shit.

I didn't let him see my panic but did have enough juice on me to just deal with it anyway.

I spent the rest of the lesson feeling like a failure and tested him as soon as we got home. He was fine but at a number that indicated I was right to just give the juice anyway.

*****************************

Does this even count as a blooper? I cringe to read it as I can't believe I did it.

*****************************

And another little anecdote with hubby taking centre stage this time (he's away in Scotland and so won't see this for a week! Wa ha ha!).

When Frank was newly diagnosed he had a hypo in a cafe just as we all sat down to eat. We were so very new to it all we weren't yet in the habit of having juice on us, and multiple boxes at that.

We were such rookies.

I realised Frank looked glassy-eyed and tested him. He was low. We had no juice so I asked Andrew to run up to the counter and get juice really quickly.

There was a queue.

He joined the end of it, in true British fashion; he just didn't want to jump the queue!

I called out to him to jump in and explain later.

But he couldn't do it.

I ran up to the counter, apologised and asked for juice really quickly, explaining that my little boy needed it as he was experiencing a low blood sugar problem and I'd be back to pay later.

Frank drank the juice, felt better then went to sleep.

Poor Andrew looked crushed but in all honesty, I don't think he'd do it any differently if it were to happen again.

It's just who he is.

***************************

I know these don't seem funny and will probably recall something hysterical as I am brushing my teeth in a couple of minutes.

If I do then I'll post it very soon.

See you tomorrow.

My Letter to Frank - We are in this together

2011-05-10T15:37:00.005+01:00

Dear Frankie,

Our little team of three have been working on a project this weekend and we saw it completed today.

Each of us did something towards its completion and each of us will get a lot of pleasure from watching it all grow and develop.

You will get to eat some of it, we hope!

Daddy recently cut down our hazel tree to make more space for growing veggies. OK, OK don't make those gagging noises, you won't have to actually eat the veggies. Mummy and Daddy will do that. Now get up off the floor and let's get on with the letter.

We used lots of the hazel branches this weekend to make a kind of yurt. The idea being it would be fun to sit inside and if we grew peas up it, you could indulge in your love of shelling peas and eating them raw.

So, your main job was to use the secateurs and trim all the small twigs from the branches.

You did a great job!

Daddy's job was to make the yurt structure and tie it all together so that it's strong and can withstand the gusts of wind it will no doubt receive. He also cut chunks out of the lawn.

Today I finished the project by planting out all the pea seedlings and watering them.
Then I made some bird scarers with twigs tied together and suspended from the top of the yurt and also by tying some old CDs to the frame.

Now we wait and water and tend and scare the evil birds away.

And hope for a harvest.

*************************************************

And the analogies with dealing with diabetes are clear to us all.

This is how we do it, Frankie.

We all play a part.

At the moment my part is the largest, Daddy's the second largest and yours the smallest.

And yet these roles will shift and morph as the years go by. Sometimes, even now, you want to press the buttons on your pump and I can see glimpses of your understanding of the vocabulary of D.

Daddy and I will always be there to help you manage your diabetes and your life, in all the glorious technicolour that we hope it will entail.

When your are an adult and need a break from it all or have a fever we will be there to take control for a while so that you can concentrate on just being.

My heart beats for you, Frank (even though right now it is 9pm and you are being a pain by not going to sleep and not staying on your bed and shouting at me about a poo on my head - yeah, Waldorf Schmaldorf -and I am emotional enough as Daddy is going away tomorrow for 8 long nights!!!).

Ahem ...

You and Daddy are my smile.

We are all so very lucky that diabetes is manageable. It might be incurable but you can live a fantastic life WITH DIABETES.

And I intend to make that happen, to the best of my ability, for all our sakes.

I love you, honey.

Mummy

xxx

D-Blog Week - Admiring Our Differences

2011-05-09T22:24:00.005+01:00

I am struggling this week.

It's not the D, it's just me. I seem to be walking through treacle and can't get a grip on things.

However, I have decided to have a go at Diabetes Blog Week as it was such a positive experience last year and hubby is away again (cycling through Scotland for a week).

So, thanks again to Karen for organising this all over again.

Maybe blogging each day will shake me out of my brain-fog!

Every person dealing with diabetes in their life, either as they have it themselves or they care for someone who has it, has something to teach us all.

We are all learning every day with every carb counted and in every situation.

It can never be taken for granted.

I stand in awe (well, generally, I sit on the sofa in awe) of the D-parents whose blogs I follow. Mostly I am in awe of how they manage to be so witty and "together" on-line when I know they must be feeling as knackered as me!

There is much to learn from others with D.

So very much.

There is beauty and sadness and there are tricks and ideas.

There are breathtaking photos and poignant ones too.

There are coping mechanisms and sympathy.

But most of all there is humour.

Without it none of us can survive and remain sane.

It is the only way to live with the day-to-day reality of having a child with diabetes.

You have to smile and laugh and see the dark, and sometimes downright black, humour in it as often as you can.

And I am so very grateful for you all.

On that note I leave you with some links to hopefully make you smile:

this always has me snorting out loud, rather unglamourously

This guy too, love him and how he performs and thinks

and this is my mantra, when days are long and hard and nights longer

See you tomorrow...

Camping it up

2011-05-04T22:42:00.004+01:00

A picture heavy post giving you a glimpse into our long weekend away camping in the Cotswolds.The new bell tent stood up well to some major gusts of wind and we were a bit chilly at night, but this was northern Europe in April!

Frank loved sleeping in his grobag again; something he hasn't done since he was three.Breakfast was taken outside most days with us enjoying homemade granola, marmalade on toast, pains au chocolat and lashings of tea!

Frank took some photos of the camp too.

The tree next to the tent made great shadows inside and my boy was rosy-cheeked and wind-swept most of the time ( a haircut is booked for tomorrow so enjoy that long, lop-sided hair for now!).

Budd wore his cap and struck a great pose without even realising it here.

He is getting a beard trim this week too.

This trip also saw our first site failure.

Of course it would happen in a tent rather than in the comfort of our own home!

But it was sorted quickly and all was well.

Interestingly the trigger felt really different on the insertion thingy (the techinical term!) than with any of the others I have done and the canula came out all bent and covered in blood.

Frank was non-plussed by this and so we just put a new one in.

I am constantly amazed at how he takes all this in his stride.

However, we have had tears and deals needing to be struck just to get his hair cut booked tomorrow, so he chooses his battles!

Off to catch up on all your news now.

Toodle -oo!

Fish Biscuits!

2011-04-27T15:17:00.003+01:00

No, it's not more Cockney Rhyming slang!

Nor have I just sneezed!

Or cursed!

It is the recipe for the savoury biscuits I promised you and, relax, they contain NO FISH.

Their true title is Rosemary & Olive Oil Crackers but as Frank is such an Octonauts fan we made them in the shape of fish so we could re-enact Tunip handing them to everyone on the Octopod (anyone without a four year old will think I've gone mad. I haven't).

Whatever floats his boat, eh?

They are very, very moreish and very, very easy to make.

The recipe is from a little book called "cookie magic" by Kate Shirazi that I use all the time and for anyone in the USA it has some great really traditional English biscuit recipes. The kind I grew up on, except the ones I ate back then were mass-produced and not home-made.

It's a reliably good book and fun to look through with Frank when we are looking for cookie inspiration.

:: Makes 1 batch.

115g/4oz/a generous 3/4 cup plain (all-purpose) flour, plus extra for dusting

pinch of salt

1 tsp fresh rosemary, finely chopped

2 tbsp olive oil

2 tbsp water

To finish : 2 tsp rock or crystal salt, 2 tbsp olive oil

Method : Pre-heat the oven to 200 C / 400 F / Gas Mark 6 and line two baking sheets. Mix the flour, salt and chopped rosemary together in a bowl. Whisk the olive oil and water together then tip into the flour and mix until you have a smooth dough.

Roll out the dough on a lightly floured surface and cut out shapes. Place the shapes on your lined baking sheets and prick with a fork.

To finish, mix the crystal or rock salt with the olive oil and brush over each cracker.

Keep any leftover oil and salt.

Bake the crackers for 12-15 minutes until golden..

When they come out of the oven, brush again with the leftover oil and salt and leave to cool on a wire rack.
We like these with butter smeared on top or just as they are as a snack with maybe some apple slices.

They definitely need the second coat of oil and salt.

*********************
Tomorrow morning we are off to trial that great new tent of mine at a campsite in the Cotswolds.

There will be 49 other families touched by Type 1 there.

So, lots of pancreases in the naughty corner in the Cotswolds this weekend, hey?

*******************

There will be bacon sarnies!

There will be homemade chai in the evenings!

There will be sun (I hope)!

Back in the middle of next week.

Love to all.

xxxx

Randomness ... and a winner

2011-04-24T19:16:00.007+01:00

Easter weekend has been amazing here and mostly because of the weather.

Hardly a cloud in the sky and hot, hot, hot.

The garden is already out of control and I can almost see the veggies growing. The chard from last summer is going to seed but as it's shooting flowers up so quickly I am letting it do so as I am fascinated by its strength and speed.

We have nettles you could lose a giraffe in and my chives are suddenly flowering in a big and blousy way.

Love it!

************************

I managed to finish this little sundress made from a pillow case that I picked up in a charity shop a while ago.

If I use the word "vintage" it will seem very desirable indeed!

I am going to send it to my sister's little girl, Nancy, who has the great red hair to go so well with these colours!

**********************************

We had Andrew's older children, Sarah and Tom, over today, along with their lovely Mum, Sue. Frank and all the rest of us enjoyed an Easter egg and Lindt bunny hunt in the garden.

I was just clearing up outside and found a couple of tiny, foil wrapped dark chocolate eggs that had been left in the sun.

I tried to pick them up very gently but they kind of exploded in my hand!

I was a chocolatey mess for a while there.

Rather befitting of the great chocolate festival that Easter has become.

Interestingly (and I am aware that I am playing fast and loose with that word here for some of you!) Frank's BG numbers have been in the low teens but holding steady, which is amazing as I have tried to make no references to him NOT having nibbles of chocolate today.

I just wanted to let him be.

To let him eat chocolate if he wanted to or leave it if he wanted to.

He isn't so bothered but I fear telling him he shouldn't and then seeing him really WANTING it because it's forbidden.

We'll see how that pans out in the future, hey?

*********************************

We also have a winner of the "breathe" poster.

As I only had five people interested I threw a dice.

Twice number six came up (!) and then came number two : Annicles.

So big congratulations to Anna.

If you could let me know your address I will pop it in the post to you as soon as I can.

I really hope you'll love it as much a I love mine.

**********************************

Also Andrew was just telling me that T1D friend he has adores the rather talented Tim Booth and met him today.

I was reminded of how much I love "James" and how I used to play this song at top volume in my classroom at the end of a long day, and only, I assure you, once all the kids were gone!

My, how it cleared the energy and brought joy rushing back in.

And we all need that.

What songs do that for you, I wonder?

*****************************

And my final act of randomness in my most random post to date is this:

I'm now off to watch "Ghostbusters".

Why?

It's such a fun film and I just heard Bill Murray say,

"Back off buddy, I'm a scientist".

It's going to be a great evening!

Springy Spring!

2011-04-21T22:52:00.004+01:00

We have been enjoying amazing weather here and have been out and about enjoying the sun on our skin.

Spring has truly busted out and trees are heavy with blossom, flowers are blooming everywhere and Frank and I have enjoyed our first of many a big water fights in the garden.

He won as he had decided that I could use his teeny tiny water pistol and he could use the garden hose.

My, that water was cold!

Today I just wanted to share a couple of pictures from our week.

Colchester Castle and some of the flowers in the Castle Park.

Frank's latest portrait of his parents!

Hall Farm Restaurant and farm shop at Stratford St. Mary.

Great food, cute animals to look at, cool farm shop = fun morning out!

Post water fight, the winner does a victory lap of the garden!

********************

Back soon with a recipe for savoury biscuits.

Happy Eatser to you all!

Breathe :: A Giveaway

2011-04-17T21:44:00.007+01:00

Well, hello there, lovely peeps!

This is my 200th post (and this must be the worst photo ever published on this 'ere blog!).

I have a poster of this print called "BREATHE" (click here for a better view) by the very talented Nikki McClure (click here only once you have hidden your credit card!) to offer to you as a giveaway today.

The one in the photo is framed and hangs on my dining room wall.

The giveaway poster will be sent in a cardboard tube for you to frame, or not, as you wish.

All you have to do is comment.

****************************************

I love her work and have a few of her posters framed and placed strategically around the house and in the summer house.

There is something spiritual in the single word, almost a mantra, and one can lose oneself in the details.

Taking a moment to breathe deeply, to connect with the moment, to be here right now, is something often lost to us, be we parents of diabetics or diabetics ourselves (or indeed just humans).

Maybe having this poster will help you do just that.

You have until Sunday evening when the random number generator, aka Frank, will leap into action.

And a final little note:

I am so very grateful for the online support you all offer me.

It keeps me the right side of sane (most days, ahem) and I am always so excited to read your blogs and hear about your gorgeous children.

Long may our support for each other continue.

Off to sniff into my hankie now, after that outpouring of emotion.

So very un-British of me ...

The hypo in the night

2011-04-15T20:40:00.003+01:00

Two nights ago Frank had a hypo at 2:15am.

Well, he called "Mummy" quietly twice in his sleep and, as he sleeps in a little wooden bed right next to ours, I heard him.

The first time I wove his quiet call into my dream and the second time I woke and saw that he had thrown himself forwards on top of the covers.

So, I checked his nappy, which was full and his PJs, which were soaking and got up with a sigh to change the sheets, PJs and nappy. Even with great BG numbers he drinks water in the night.

It has become a habit and I am loathe to force a break in it as most nights he is OK.

This scenario is nothing unusual for us. I got on with the changing and reassuring that he'd be warm and dry in no time and he got on with relaxing and dozing like he normally does.

Then I tested his BG as that very morning I had mentioned to Andrew that it seems like a good idea, if one of us is up anyway to do a test.

He had crashed.

2.9.

Two point bloody nine!

In the night.

And still drinking copiously, as though he is high.

I believe I muttered "Oh, F**K!" to myself and legged it to the packs of apple juice we leave for just such an occasion (although occasion sounds like a wedding or celebration of some sort and this most certainly wasn't that!).

I applied juice to my child and then sat reading in the room next door for fifteen minutes until I could test again.

Numbers good.

Boy sleeping.

Mama's nerves jangling like a big bunch of keys on a rodeo rider.

Good grief as Charlie Brown would say.

****************************************************

So, anyone new to the Type 1 malarkey, or just a friend popping by, I can say this much:

I am tired.

Always.

But I WILL stay awake because adrenalin is an amazing thing and the alternative just doesn't exist.

I WILL do my damnedest to keep my child alive and well even if I lose my mind at times in the process.

I WILL ramble on about Type 1 as though you all know all about it because you really should.

*********************************************************

Andrew and I have zero local support network with all this.

We are alone.

But it matters not.

He is ours and we love him.

My heart beats for him.

Always.

And anyway, who needs sleep?!

P.S. In case anyone wondered, no, I did not take photos of my sleeping child as he lay in bed at a BG of 2.9!!! This is a photo from earlier in the month when I wanted to capture his messy sleepy hair.

Self-portrait - yikes!

2011-04-12T21:07:00.005+01:00

With the boys off in London for the Circle-D meet up last weekend I had a whole day to myself.

Whole days alone for me are a massive rarity and for a while I was full of the gazillion things I'd get done and rather dizzy all in all.

However, eventually I decided to use it to catch up with my long-overdue "the art of living cheerfully" tasks.

There have been some lovely tasks and I was woefully behind but not stressed at all really.

I was just aware that I wanted to do these things for me and I'd fit them in when I could.

We have been living in chaos whilst the dining room floor was sanded and varnished and I think I mentioned that Andrew was working two jobs for a couple of weeks so I let the "cheerfully" stuff slide a bit.

Saturday saw me having to attempt a self-portrait.

I SOOOO did not enjoy this as is evidenced by the first rather awkward photo of me.

I look like a woman in her forties.

How did that happen?!

I was also to write about what makes me beautiful.

You what now?

Couldn't think of a thing.

Completely stalled.

I do a great job wih my family but often feel like I am lurching from day to day without being fully present in the moment and any thoughts of myself are fleeting and quickly pushed aside to make space for cooking, tidying up and talking about sharks and whales!

This task will have to wait for another time.

Once I'd cringed enough at having to take photos of myself I finished my muffinmoon banner that now hangs in the summerhouse where I am hoping to do some sewing this summer.

Happy Tuesday to you all!

Fridays

2011-04-08T23:29:00.004+01:00

Many a Friday looks like this: A bus trip into town to go to the market Photocopying mosaic sheets at the central library (OK, this was a one off!)

A visit to the bread stall for a cheese straw.

A cheese straw attack.

With gusto (and a side of insulin).

Happy Friday all!

Spring is here!

2011-04-04T22:06:00.002+01:00

Oh, and it feels good to have the (albeit Northern European) sun on my face and even sometimes on my arms!

We have been having chaotic times with :

the dining room emptied of all furniture, books and toys for a lovely guy called Jack to sand and varnish for us. It looks great but we have to wait a few days for it all to harden before life can return to normal.

Frank and then myself developing nasty colds and coughs.

Planting and digging in the garden (working on beetroot and spuds now)

Nature walks with my boy

rhubarb from the garden, which I'm going to stew with orange juice and have with yoghurt and granola. Drool, drool!

Happy Spring to you all!

P.S. I am intending to make a vlog sometime showing what we carry around with us. Jen and Reyna and others in the DOC have done great ones. I am going to wait until I get my voice back as I sound like I smoke forty a day with this cough!

Put the pancreas aside and let's talk Spleen

2011-03-29T16:11:00.005+01:00

And specifically Spleen Qi Deficiency.

Have I put you off already with the weird Qi word?

I hope not.

I hope you know me well enough by now, some of you at least, to know that I love good food. I'm not a great believer in faddy food trends but rather favour well-made food with real ingredients.

So, I am not about to get all weird on you all.

Let me tell you the story ...

************************************

I am a MamaPancreas called Jules.

I am a good pancreas and do a great job but I am tired.

Always longing for just a bit more sleep; not much, just a bit MORE than I am getting.

Since Frank started pumping insulin I and my sidekick Andrew have been doing more BG tests than ever and have been testing at 10pm, 12 midnight and 2:30 for around six weeks.

Those times make it hard to get sleep in between and have both tended to stay up until midnight every night.

This shouldn't be too bad but I was feeling really tired.

More than usual.

Add to this the general waking up suddenly every morning with a four and a half year old landing on me like an eagle swooping down on its prey, and the subsequent long days of mamalife.

I felt like I was walking through treacle.

Wading through life.

I hadn't expected to be skipping exactly but less backward drag in the heavy feeling legs and arms would be good.

So I decided to take restorative action and eat lots more salad and make green smoothies and pink smoothies, and eat raw food as much as possible.

You see I have a soft spot for craft blogs, and all these amazing women with their Waldorf children who wake up singing and bake bread together whistling and never watch TV, were drinking green smoothies and bleating on about how great they felt.

I swallowed this, wanted the light feelings and was dazzled by the idea, the mere smidgen of the idea of being LESS BLEEDIN' TIRED!

For the last three or four weeks I have included lots and lots of smoothies in my diet, lots of salads, lots of raw things.

OK, I still craved milk chocolate and gave into those cravings sometimes and I have been eating bread a lot too, to the exclusion of other starches, but let's be clear: I have been eating lots of salads and loads of fruit.

***********************

Then came last Thursday.

My sometimes day to do my own thing.

The day when heroic hubby sometimes steps in for me to do my own thing.

After a fruit and yoghurt breakfast I drove joyfully out to meet my Knit&Natter group at the tea room at the Tiptree jam factory, knitted sitting in the sun, nattered and then left bang on time to drive home as I knew I'd have lunch alone.

A huge salad and a green smoothie were made.

Spinach and oranges and red onions and pine nuts and cucumber and feta cheese were in the salad.

Mango and banana and apple and more spinach were in the smoothie.

I ate the lot whilst sitting on the bench in the garden in the sun.

Idyllic.

I felt smug.

I was treating my body well.

I would feel so much better soon.

*******************************

Cut to eight fifteen that evening and I was putting Frank to bed.

He is in his little wooden bed next to my big one and as he drifts off playing alphabet games with me I felt more weary than ever in my life.

My very bones felt tired.

I was face down on the double bed slurring my words Frank fell asleep and I slept too.

This is sometimes normal, this falling asleep with one's child, but believe me when I say this felt different.

There was no feeling of "I'll just have a nap".

I was pole-axed.

I woke at 9:45 just in time to do the ten o'clock test.

And then my tongue felt sore.

It felt really tender. So I stuck it out at myself in the mirror and saw a tongue but with these weird teeth marks, like scallops, down the edges.

Weird, maybe it's a sign of tiredness, I thought, and padded over to the laptop to look it up.

*********************************

Ah me, I know what you're probably thinking.

The Internet.

Don't go on the internet for medical stuff. It will overload you.

Well, it didn't.

I was fine but I did startle my husband by laughing and snorting madly for long minutes at a time.

******************************************

A tongue with indentations down the side is, in Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM), a sign of Spleen Qi Deficiency.

Fair enough, "But what does that even mean?" I hear you cry!

Here it is (and I am only kind of summarising what I have found out after a week on line, I am no expert in this):

In TCM Spleen Qi Deficiency can develop when a person is or has been stressed for a long time, is not rested sufficiently and has extensive worries either real or imagined.

Sound familiar?

It is a result of the body's resources becoming drained and of "dampness" and "coldness" and foods that create damp and cold in the body (as viewed by TCM) being consumed in large amounts.

Symptoms can include tiredness, heavy limbs, weight gain, sore tongue with indentations, weak muscles and thus sometimes prolapses and hernias.

Foods that worsen this condition were listed on quite few sites and they were ALL, without exception, the foods I had been eating and had been increasing in my diet:

Raw foods, salads, iced drinks, smoothies, cold water, wheat based bread.

I kept laughing because even the bloody pine nuts were mentioned!

EVERYTHING, absolutely EVERYTHING, I had consumed that day had wiped me out.

The theory is that cold and raw foods take extra energy for the body to process them as they have to be heated by the body to body temperature before it can extract the goodness from them.

I had always thought raw was always always preferable to cooked.

It seems not in certain cases, such as mine.

I would have loved to be cynical here but what I had eaten and how awful I was feeling just slotted into place.

By chance I hadn't eaten Spleen supporting foods but had eaten Spleen depleting foods.

To the letter.

It was a strange experience reading those papers and visiting those sites and seeing that maybe I wasn't so bad at no sleep as I'd thought.

Maybe nurturing my Spleen Qi would be of benefit because I'm not up for buying supplements or tonics when good food and some sleep and exercise should be good for all of us, right?

The next morning I began eating more cooked and warm foods:

oatmeal and maple syrup, rice cooked with milk and cinnamon, rye toast and honey, stewed apples or pears with maple syrup for breakfasts.

Soups and stews, and herbal teas like ginger tea for lunches.

More soups and stews, warm stir fries and sweet potatoes baked in their jackets for dinner.

Sweetness is needed and natural sweet flavours like maple syrup and dates and figs are good for this Spleen Qi Deficiency apparently.

Eating these has helped my chocolate cravings be less strident.

I am eating hardly any raw foods.

Just for a while, almost as an experiment.

It feels quite maverick in contrast to the raw foods, green smoothie, spring cleansing blogs I'm reading.

And the verdict?

After a full-on weekend and a really massively busy week this week so far and continuing until the weekend (hubby working two jobs this week, Frank out for the count with a fever today, Jack coming to sand the floor in the dining room on Thursday so it has to emptied etc etc - ie.LIFE!)?

The jury is out long term but in the short term I am feeling so much less tired.

I promise you I am sleeping no more at all but just feel normally tired rather than pathologically exhausted.

I know nothing really about Traditional Chinese Medicine and its recommendations but I am going to look more into it.

**************************

Here are some links :

http://www.pulsemed.org/dietspleendamp.htm

http://www.mybodywisdom.net/pdf/Spleen_Qi_Nutrition.pdf

http://www.curepoint.co.uk/healthy-diet.shtml

http://www.acupuncture.com/nutrition/diet.htm

I was going to ask you to let me know what you think, but I reckon you'll do that anyway!

This was the week that ...

2011-03-27T23:25:00.002+01:00

...saw such wonderful Spring weather that we found loads of ladybirds sunning themselves in the garden and couldn't resist letting them crawl over our hands (I was secretly daring this one to try to nip Frank's finger! He has such tough fingers the ladybird would probably hurt itself more trying!!). ... saw us drinking green smoothies, although, to be honest this has now stopped. Frank objected to the colour, Andrew wasn't fussed and I am avoiding raw food for while (more on that soon).

... saw me completing my Reiki II course and loving it. (Thanks Meg, Lisa and Liz!)

... saw Frank and I planting garlic, and masses of it, in the garden. There will be no vampires on this side of town!

... saw Andrew and I planning a camping trip to Devon. Cream teas! Oh yes!

... saw me so tired that I could barely function. I need to sleep ... but wait a moment, maybe sleep isn't what I need (more on this later in the week)

... saw me changing Franks pump alone (twice!) and Frank not crying but looking at me and saying, "It didn't even hurt".

It has been a busy week full of activity and joy.

The house is neglected as is only good and proper during a week of such balmy temperatures that we have been outside most of the time.

Frank's BGs have been understandable rather than random and long may that continue.

All is busy but well on Muffinmoon Mountain.

Goodnight all!

Back soon (I won't leave it a week this time).

the art of living cheerfully

2011-03-20T20:53:00.007Z

~ one hundred gratitudes ~

#18 : Walking the Cornish Coastal path and seeing the Bedruthan Steps with my love.

Around every headland was more and more beauty. We were surrounded by it. Fresh air, chatting to my love about everything and nothing and feeling like my life was in proportion and balance next to all this natural beauty.

**************************************

A couple of weeks ago I signed up for an e.course called "the art of living cheerfully".

It began today.

I haven't been feeling especially miserable but rather that there are possibilities in life that Frank's diagnosis and the consequent white noise put out of my head.

I have been feeling ready for a small new project.

To spend some time allowing myself to dream and be grateful and seek out the joy every day felt like just what I should be doing right now.

I would like to share a little of the content with you all as the weeks of the course go by.

What attracted me to the course, aside from loving the idea of a project of a creative nature just for me, was Maddie's use of the word "cheerful".

She wasn't promising happiness or a state of Nirvana but a chance to be active in being cheerful.

One of the first exercises is to list one hundred things for which we are grateful.

ONE HUNDRED.

From the past and present, situations and people, experiences and places ... one hundred.

And I am also to write about why I am grateful for these things.

And that is where the joy will start flying about, I think!

Really focusing on why I am grateful for these things will drag them squarely into the forefront of my brain and make the feelings of experiencing them come back.

How bloody cheerful am I going to be doing this?!!

I am already thinking of Cornwall and those blue waters.

And I am smiling...

What are you grateful for?

Meaningful Numbers

2011-03-18T22:05:00.003Z

A hospital visit yesterday.

A number.

A meaningful number.

7.4

Yeah, baby!
P.S. Look at those mad eyelashes!

Back soon.

Just getting a bit more sleep and spending less time on the computer this week.

It was needed.

My Love the Poet # 2

2011-03-15T20:42:00.005Z

A week ago saw us at SlackSpace in Colchester for a national evening called The Big Book Bang as part of World Book Night.

Andrew was performing as his alter ego Fred Slattern, Colchester's Slum Poet!

For once Frank was allowed out in the evening and was very excited to come with me to watch Andrew and others perform. When a little music was played Frank did a bit of dancing.

And at one point, I swear, he even channelled Reyna!

The poems were well received and everyone smiled when Andrew took to the stage for the second time with a four and a half year old attached to his leg!

It was a proud evening for me.

***************************

Fred Slattern will be appearing this coming Saturday morning at SlackSpace in a day-long event to raise funds for relief in Japan.

Maybe we'll see you there?

44

2011-03-11T16:39:00.005Z

Same place as last year, same scarf (must get a new one!) same face.

Just a few more lines but I don't mind that.

Getting older rocks!

Sev arrives home this evening for just 24 hours.

We will be quietly celebrating with honey cake.

********************************

I wish you all a very happy weekend and hope that you and yours are safe.

My thoughts and love are sent out to all in Japan and all who have family and friends there.

Armenian Soup

2011-03-10T09:25:00.007Z

This recipe is from my oldest and most favourite cookbook : The Cranks Recipe Book by David Canter, Kay Canter and Daphne Swan.

My copy is from 1982!

As I said it's my first cookbook.

Cranks was a wholefood cafe and restaurant in Covent Garden in London for a long time.

It was not fashionable for a long time either.

The food was wholewheat and in most cases brown and a bit of a shock for most people's palates.

But for me, brought up in a family where white flour and processed food are kings it was a revelation.

I spent my pocket money as a teenager buying vegetables and tofu and wholewheat flour. We weren't well off and my parents didn't want to buy food they considered weird and scary.

I was the first to bring an onion into the house!

And a mushroom!

This book revolutionised what food I ate and taught me how to cook.

There are few pictures and so I learnt to not worry about how it was supposed to look and let myself learn from what came out.

*****************************************

Armenian Soup

Ingredients:

red lentils, rinsed (100g)

dried apricots, unsulphured if poss (100g)

2 large potatoes

vegetable stock (around 2-3 pints) - his needs judging by your own preference of thin or gloopy

lemon, juice of one

ground cumin (2tsp)

parsley, chopped (6tbsp) - I often don't have fresh parsley and so just leave it out, it's still fine

salt & pepper to taste

Method:

Place lentils and apricots in a large pan.

Roughly chop the spud and add to the pan with the remaining ingredients.

Bring to the boil, cover and simmer for around 30 minutes, checking regularly that the lentils aren't soaking up all the stock and making it all burn (I speak from experience! Do not take a bath and leave this soup cooking).

Add more hot water or stock if so.

Allow to cool and blend until smooth.

Reheat to serving temperature and adjust seasoning to taste.

Serves 4-6

*****************************

This freezes well and is fine left for a day in the fridge, although you will need to add more water as it thickens too.

I love it.

Mr Muffinmoon loves it.

My Knit & Natter group love it.

Frank falls to the floor clutching his throat and gagging at the mere sight of any soup.

Sigh.

My Funky Tent

2011-03-09T22:09:00.005Z

Thanks for all your kind comments on my last post.

I was glad to be welcomed back by such an esteemed group of people!

*********************************

A couple of days ago there was a knock at the door and we took delivery of this beauty.

My birthday present from Mr Muffinmoon: a beautiful, funky bell tent.

I have always loved the style of these tents and my sister and her partner have one, which we stayed in once when on their farm.

I have no pictures of the inside yet as I want to take lots when we are actually using it and it's full of sheepskins and blankets and cushions, but inside is one open space with the tent pole in the middle.

I love the natural material.

Even the mallet is wooden and these cool tent pegs are so natural and rough that they look like Hagrid whittled them in a free period from teaching at Hogwarts!
I love them.
Is it insane to love a tent peg?
Hmmm... maybe ...

And this past weekend we erected the tent, Mr Muffinmoon being unable to not make comments about large erections, and watered it well. This, you understand, is not to make it grow into a bigger tent or bear tenty fruit but to enable the fibres to swell with the water and then as they dry the whole thing becomes water proof.
For you knitters out there it is blocking for tents.
This is England.
On our first camping trip with it I will find out whether that has worked or not!
It will rain at some point, indeed possibly at all points.
For the moment it sits in the garden, weathering, much like I lie next to my boy every night, weathering these first few weeks of life with Lucky Pump.
Tomorrow I have to change the pump site all alone as Mr Muffinmoon will be out late earning a crust (his job is safe for a few more months, by the way!).
And tomorrow I'll give you the soup recipe.
Blogging every day.
What the ...
*************************************
I seem to be an all or nothin' kind of gal at the moment.
Ah, well, so ist das Leben.

Shrove Tuesday

2011-03-08T21:29:00.005Z

So, ahem, more than a week has slipped by with me not finding time to post.

I will attempt to address the balance by posting more regularly for the next few days.

We are doing fine.

Lucky Pump is ticking over and we even managed to do a site change with no tears on Frank's part.

I cried though.

I spend the day of set change building up to it and get in a bit of a state at the moment, but I recall doing that with the injections and it got easier.

It's Shrove Tuesday today, aka Pancake Day, and Frank is (I'm almost scared to jinx it all by writing it) showing more interest in a variety of foods so we went for pancakes for dessert this evening.

Andrew is great at tossing the pancakes in the pan and he and Frank did that together.

Then they were enjoyed with a little muscovado sugar and lemon juice.

Frank ate two and declared them "really yummy".

I was proud of him as his usual response to an offer of an undesirable food is to make barfing noises and fall to the floor clutching his throat.

I then reply with withering sarcasm, "A simple "No thanks Mummy" would suffice Frank".

And on we roll.

Back soon with tales of my new tent (a birthday gift) and a recipe for the soup we've been going mad for for the past month.

Happy Tuesday, friends.

Week Two with Lucky Pump

2011-02-26T19:37:00.005Z

Please excuse my absence this week.

I am following all of your posts but finding very little time or energy to comment. You are all with me every day, I just don't feel up to much but getting to grips with this new phase.

But after my saint of a husband letting me lie in this morning I have time and energy for an update of our week:

**************************

Lucky Pump is with us all day, every day.

He comes cycling with us when Frank comes out to the local shops and the library with me, nestled in Frank's pocket as he races along.

We are in telephone contact every day with the hospital as we all work to fine tune the basals and we are testing BG all through the day and then at 10pm, 12 midnight, 2:30 and then on waking at 7am.

We work it thus: one of us does the 10pm and the midnight whilst the other, in theory, gets some sleep in the spare room in anticipation of doing the 2:30am test.

In practice, we both stay up until twelve and then whoever is doing the 2:30am test sleeps fitfully until their shift.

We are exhausted and the day before yesterday I broke down as I was so very very tired and yet couldn't sleep even whilst lying in bed.

My poor husband had to deal with a sobbing wife at one in the morning, convinced she was an unfit mother.

This new piece of kit attached to my baby clearly has me wired too.

It does not feel under control yet.

I lie awake watching him breathe and, tell me you don't do this and I won't believe you, having those dark nighttime thoughts that seem built into the human psyche about what a terrible person I am and wishing I was a calm zenlike mother rather than this complete mess.

Then sleep overcomes me after the final test and in the morning Frank wakes and smiles at me and says "Can I have a story?" and all is well. I feel like I have a newborn again as the nights are long, but this phase will pass and I will sleep for more than half an hour at a stretch again.

Andrew is amazing in this.

He has always coped more graciously with less sleep than me.

*********************

And on the up side: I love how the pump has made snacking much less of an obstacle course.

Today I made wholemeal chocolate chip cookies and Frank, who has declared he only likes uncooked biscuits, polished off the scrapings in the bowl.

How could I resist taking a picture of this boy, this wonderful boy, licking the bowl with such gusto.

This is how he lives life.

I have much to learn from him!

P.S. A quick kit question for you: What kind of little bags or packs are good for kids Frank's age to hold the pump? Where can I get a little bum bag for the pump? Well, we call them bum-bags over here, but I have heard them called fanny-packs in America (this for a British person brings a whole different image!).

What do you do at night?

Can anyone recommend some good stuff?

I'd be so grateful.
My love and friendship to you all.

I am always so grateful for your voices and thoughts.

Awesome

2011-02-19T10:11:00.004Z

Let me explain:

I am English and I do not, I repeat, DO NOT, us the word awesome easily.

A few years ago a Canadian cousin came to stay and when I offered her a cup of tea in the morning said "Oh, that would be awesome". I distinctly remember going downstairs to put the kettle on and thinking "No, love, it'll be just a cup of tea. A good one, I make good tea, but it won't be awesome. The Grand Canyon is awesome, a cup of tea isn't".

So, I trust it is now clear that I don't use the word awesome unless something earns it.

Enter our (yes, it's ours!) Medtronic insulin pump, which Frank has named Lucky Pump.

He has been wearing it full time and live with real insulin and everything (!) since Wednesday morning at the hospital.

It is AWESOME.

So AWESOME.

I have not had to give my child an injection for three days now.

No cheeky Lantus to sting him every morning.

No getting his buttocks out for injections on the sofa or in cafes.

Naive I must be, as I hadn't realised how draining injecting had become.

I feel much lighter of spirit already dealing with this pump malarkey.

It's complicated in some ways but so logical in others and I can already, after just three days, see the details that will make micro-managing blood sugar so much more possible.

We are still in the very early stages of tweaking those basals and testing every two hours, right through the night.

I am tired but boy, oh boy, do I want this to work out.

The night before last Frank said "Mummy, two questions." I look at him and he went on "One: will I still be Diabetes when I'm a grown up?" "Yes, Frank, it's just who you are like having those long eyelashes or being good at running".

He smiles and I well up.

"Two:", he says "is there anything stuck in the bed covers 'cos I need to rescue them!" and he dives into the covers on the bed and goes searching for lost socks to rescue, Lucky Pump just trailing after him and him barely aware of it.

Something in that conversation grounded me.

The first question so seemingly huge from an adult perspective but the answer accepted so readily by a child who really just wants to do some bed clothes diving.

******************

Frank is awesome.

******************

Our week so far

2011-02-10T21:46:00.005Z

Ok, so, here we are, Thursday evening and posting, finally, after a humdinger of a week (and it's not even over ...).

We made it to the hospital with both myself and Andrew having stomach pains due to stress. Once there we were greeted by Claire the fantabulous Diabetes Specialist Nurse (who has herself been Type 1 for 26 years. She looks about 12 so I have no idea how that is even possible!).

We then spent three hours with her and three other families learning how to navigate the Starship Enterprise, er, sorry , the Medtronic pump.

It went really well.

The other families were really committed, like us, to looking Diabetes in the eye and making their children's lives as healthy as possible. They too were freaked out and out of their comfort zones (if indeed poking your child to the point of bleeding several times a day can EVER be termed a comfort zone).

We played with the pump, had a go at changing the reservoir or setting it up and then I got to wear it for a while and showed Frank how it was inserted.

By twelve thirty we were left to take our box of goodies home and practise, practise, practise.

We have saline solution to use and Frank needs to get used to wearing it and will still need injections for this week.

After the hospital we broke the journey home by pulling in for a picnic in the camper van at a country park just outside Cambridge.

The sun was shining.

It was one of those days that herald the Spring and we loved strolling around (with sticks, in Frank's case) the 2,400 year old site (it had been an encampment and the earth is maintained to show the shape of the camp). If those dates make your jaw drop just think of the cheap motel we stayed in the night before that was right next to a Bronze Age burial ground, some 8,000 years old (give or take a month or two!).

This was all very grounding after a morning of huge learning.
Then it got interesting ...
On the way home my stomach began to feel unsettled and after about half an hour I pulled over and .. er .. lost my lunch.
Andrew took over the driving and I tried to lay a flat as I could, moaning on the back seat as he headed home.
Never has a journey felt so long.
Once home I made a dash for the bathroom and after an hour or so went to bed and dozed.
All plans to look at the pump went out the window with my lunch.
Next day Andrew had to work and I was OK but weak.
The only thing I had eaten that was different to the boys was a tuna bean salad.
Damn those ready made salads!

Then to round off the three days of lively times Andrew came home on Wednesday with a letter notifying him of the fact that he has six weeks until he will be made redundant.
However, we are fine!
One would think that this would be the worst week to hear such news but no.
Having a child with Type 1 Diabetes, for me anyway, puts much of life's other difficulties in perspective.
It's not as trite as the awful"don't sweat the small stuff" idea but there is a sense of gentle perspective.
************************
All will be well.
All will be well.
*************************
Tomorrow we try the pump on Frank for 24 hours and then again as much as we can after that.
Next Wednesday we go "live".
******************************
Let's hear it again:
All will be well.
*******************************
I am hosting my book group here tomorrow evening.
I chose Laura Ingalls Wilder's "The Little House in the Big Woods" and "The Little House on the Prairie".
Reading these books brings perspective too.
******************************
Love to all and huge great big and enormous thanks to all who wished us well.
Thank you.
I am so grateful for you.

And beyond ...

2011-02-05T21:43:00.006Z

Oh, what can I possibly say to explain how I am feeling?

We have pump training next Tuesday and the following Wednesday at Addenbrooke's in Cambridge.

We want this.

Frank wants this.

BUT I am aware that I am feeling so scared and jittery and freaked out about taking on this NEW THING.

I've become so relaxed about injections and thought I'd be feeling great about the pump but, when it comes to it, diabetes just sucks, doesn't it?

Even when you have to do new stuff it's scary rather than exciting.

It's never like "Oooh, a new flavour of cheesecake, that'll be good".

No.

It's "Oooh, shit, I might get this wrong and he'll bleed or be rushed to hospital or collapse or have ragingly high blood sugar for a while or ... or ... or ...".

Diabetes sucks.

I know this will be great for our ability to maintain Frank's health but I am scared.

Plain and simple.

Diabetes has so leeched my confidence and sapped my intelligence that I fear taking this on in case I am not up to the job.

I know Andrew feels the same.

I will be back next week with an update.

I believe we have a week of using the pump with a saline solution to get used to it before we are allowed to do the real thing.

So many of you have been here before and I had contemplated not posting about my wussy feelings but I do want to be honest.

Happy Weekend to you all and off we go ... to infinity and beyond ....

Wish us luck.

Ten

2011-01-30T19:46:00.003Z

TEN HYPOS in ONE WEEK!

Yup, you read that right.

TEN.

We are reeling.

None of them awful or scary but on the whole I am wondering what on earth is going on.

On the up side Frank has told us about around eight of them and says he feels something in his tummy.

A weird kind of progress, I suppose.

****************************

And talking of progress

His Milo vest is now complete (details here) and I had a great time doing the cables. My first cables ever. But not my last as this pattern has instructions for four more types of cable and I intend to try them all!

Now just to get those hypos sorted.

At My Table

2011-01-25T21:00:00.005Z

Last Autumn I went to the wonderful (and oh-so-bad-for-the-bank-balance) Knit and Stitch Show at Alexandra Palace in London (affectionately known as Ally Pally).

I left many pounds lighter in terms of money and many pounds heavier in terms of great fabrics and yarns.

Three of those fabrics were small pieces of end of roll cuts that I wanted to make something for each of us with. I thought about tote bags but we have lots of those and I wanted these fabrics to be seen regularly.

So, last week, on a rainy day and with the sewing machine out and ready I decided to involve Frank in some fabric stamping action and make personalised place mats for our meal times.

I had some leftover linen and we stamped our names on small pieces of it with our new alphabet stamps and once they were dry I ironed the letters to fix the ink.

Frank then chose the stitch pattern to attach the labels to the place mats and helped me press the right buttons on the sewing machine.

An hour later we had three funky place mats for each and every meal.

We see these mats three times a day.

Or rather, whenever I lay the table. Husband forgets them, much as he has forgotten to wear his apron since Christmas.

Hmmm ....

I love these!

They cheer me so much but I am also beginning to understand the issue of lovingly slaving over things that others don't value. I don't expect people to weep with joy at every meal but to put things to use would be good.

Having a child with Type 1 is like this.

I can tell a hundred people Frank's cool HbA1c and only one percent will have any clue of the work that went into it!

But, being creative in any way (writing a blog, poetry, knitting, cooking, sewing, eyeshadow colours, basal tweaking etc etc) is so good for the soul.

I now recognise that I NEED it.

In some form or another a day does not feel right and my spirit does not feel sustained unless I have gone some way towards creating something.

I truly believe we humans are driven to do this in some form or another.

So, here is Frank's place mat with the fabric he loved as he loves camping.

This is also a typical meal for him, by the way. I might bake and make carb-bomb foods sometimes but more often than not he won't eat them unless it once moo-ed or bleated or clucked or oinked or it's bread or potatoes!

He didn't eat his carrots this day as they were grated and not whole.

And here is Andrew's place mat.

He's not on a strict diet but hadn't got home from work before I took the pictures!

And mine is Red Riding Hood.
I love the fabric even though as a little girl (and even now) I found the story highly suspicious with all the "little girls shouldn't strike out alone in the woods or the wolf will get them and they'll need a big man with a big axe (yeah, right) to save them" nonsense.
I was an early developer as a feminist, clearly!
Maybe I love this fabric because she is looking at that wolf as though she's about to slap him on the nose and tell him to behave himself!

*************************************

Thank you to all of you who sent positive and encouraging comments about the pump. We are looking forward to getting to grips with it and are suitably scared too.

We have had a few too many mild but still scary hypos this week and whilst it's good to see lower numbers, too low is not good.

Time for some creative basal tweaking (is it me and my addled brain or does that sound like a euphemism? As in "Hello darlin', fancy coming back to my place for a bit of basal tweaking?"!!).

Love to all and happy Wednesday.

Riding the Dragon Tree

2011-01-21T19:50:00.005Z

Frank and I headed out to Cudmore Grove on Mersea Island this week.

It was a balmy January day and, after what felt like weeks inside, sunshine on our skin and the sea air did us all power of good.

As you can see, East Anglia is flat and I just love the big skies.

Look at that blue!

So healing. Once on the beach we found this fantastic dried piece of wood and Frank flew it up into the air like the children in one of our favourite books.
Then we larked about on the beach.
I have seen seals off this beach and love it here.
This day we saw all of six other people.

Bliss is a wooden dragon ride with a view ...

******************************
Thanks for all your positive comments about the pump arriving.
We got all excited, took photos and then saw the size of the manual.
Gulp!
It's now all back in its box waiting for training day.
I will look at the manual before that but it feels like being given a space ship and a manual and being left to work it out.
I know, from my years as a teacher, that I am intrinsically a team player.
I like to discuss and confirm and learn best that way.
Bring on the training!
**********************************
Back very soon with crafty updates.
I've been sewing and have even been knitting cables, yes, cables baby!

A post about the post

2011-01-20T12:10:00.003Z

I was home alone an hour ago when the door knocker sounded and I opened the front door to receive this parcel.

Any guesses?

Here's a clue.
Woooo Hoooo!
Just have to wait for the training sessions to come up at the hospital now.
Am nervous and excited but, really, how hard can it be?
I bet it'll be like a balmy day out on the coast off California watching whales.

Oh, wait a minute .........

Frankisms

2011-01-13T21:07:00.004Z

This week has seen some great pronouncements from the Boy Wonder and I just had to share these two:

"Mummy, when I'm with you I feel like... (he pauses for dramatic effect)... like I have a heart, like I am in love".

Wow, I think. I will never forget he said that.

"I feel the same when I am with you, Frankie", I say.

A few minutes later he says,

"Mummy, do you want a poo on your head?" and smiles at me sweetly.

And, try as I might, this is an image that is proving difficult to get out of my head.

Life with my boy.

Never a dull moment.

Some (Christmas, ahem) knitting finished

2011-01-12T19:33:00.005Z

Yesterday saw me completing two knitting projects.

Frank's sheep jumper that was intended to be opened Christmas Day but I just ran out of time. I made a real mess of the sheep (think knitting road kill) first time and as anyone that knits knows, unless you are sending the item a long way away, those mistakes will annoy you and you will focus on them every time you see them. So, I ripped the bottom half of the jumper out and did the sheep again.

Laughingly, and in spite of being a whizz at carb counting, the sheep ended up on the other side on the second go! I couldn't work out the pattern upside down without the reversal, it seems. How dim-witted am I?! Here is the boy himself.

I asked him to try it on today for a photo and he said it felt lovely and warm and kept it on all day.

A thumbs up indeed.

And I had to add this weird, kind of Karate Kid pose.

No idea what he was thinking but you can see the sheep better.

And I also completed my FGM item as we meet up to hand in our "homework" tomorrow evening at The Fat Cat.

Hope that guy is there again, but I imagine he has emigrated by now!

This was knitted in one hour in front of the "Eat Pray Love" DVD lent to me by a friend. Always good to see Javier Bardem.

Anyone new to this blog or just passing through might not know about this second item. The previous posts might help.

It's a serious issue and one I feel strongly about but I don't feel my blog is the forum to go into a huge amount of detail.

If you are interested in finding out more look for the crafting group called "Stitch This" on facebook and check out wikipedia.

The Holy Grail

2011-01-10T21:06:00.005Z

OK, silly title but there is a giveaway over on Penny's blog that made my heart go all fluttery.

Hold onto your knickers, it's not a free fully-functioning pancreas!

It is, however, the new Holy Grail of lancing devices.

The Delica lancing device has been mentioned on D-Bogs before and I decided to request one at our next hospital appointment.

It hurts less, is quieter and leaves little children with less noticeable holes in their teeny tiny fingers.

We all need kit like this.

We were there last Thursday (HbA1c a bit higher than last time but I REFUSE to feel bad. I accept it and move forward) and I asked about the Delica.

No one had heard of it.

I intend to change that as soon as I can.

In the meantime thanks to Penny and the rather gorgeous Grace for this opportunity.

Not sure what the question is ...

2011-01-09T22:06:00.005Z

... but I know the answer and mostly the answer is to get out in nature.

Frank has had Type 1 Diabetes now for exactly half his life.

He was diagnosed at 27 months of age and we have now enjoyed the company of the badly behaved house guest T1D for 27 months.

The weather here has been cold and grey but yesterday saw us heading out for a little family trip to Friday Woods near our home and stomping about in the mud.

We ran around, got very muddy, jumped in the many puddles and then wandered back to our camper van for homemade hot chocolate (milk and chopped up 70% chocolate plus a little raw cocoa for sprinkling - I figure if the boy won't eat spinach he can have raw cocoa for iron instead!!) and ginger biscuits. It was very healing and calming.

I have been feeling a bit blah for a couple of weeks and am only now beginning to come out of it.

Stomping around in mud helped a great deal and I would highly recommend it!
Another great puddle awaiting its fate from the Boy Wonder.

The hills are alive with the sound of stomping.

Friday Woods.

My boys.

*****************************************

On another topic, thank you to everyone that commented on my post about our wet nights.

I had really thought we were alone on that one as I know no one else going through it.

Should have asked you guys months ago, hey?

Big British hugs to all (that's with a cup of tea in one hand and wearing a bowler hat. We all wear bowler hats ...).

Smugness Comes Before A Fall

2011-01-05T21:20:00.003Z

Two and a half years ago I was the smug Mum of a child that slept really well. I distinctly recall chatting to a friend around the time of this photo and she was telling me how often her two year old woke up in the night.

I suggested a sippy cup of water as that seemed to help Frank sleep through. I felt happy my child drank water and thought he was just like me as I always have a glass of water by my bed.

One sippy cup became three all lined up in his bed and he needed them topping up at 1am, 4am and then woke for water early in the morning.

His nappies were flooded.

His cute sleeping bags soaking wet.

In Dorset, visiting my sister, in the May before diagnosis in the October, one of the requirements of the holiday cottage was a washer dryer as we always had so many PJs and so much bedding to wash.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing, eh?

It's all so clear, all the signs when I look at it now.

But with no history of diabetes in the family and no real idea that it was even a possibility for tiny children, we staggered on washing and drying more than any family I know.

Scroll forward to now, or rather last night to be specific.

Frank is in our room on a camp bed and we are all happy with this.

He came in at Christmas and is staying there for a while.

Last night his BG was good before midnight. But the habit of drinking water in the night is now, it seems, so ingrained in him that he needs it all the time. Last night saw me changing his nappy four times and his PJs as many too. His sheets were wet and I put him on a towel as I had no energy to strip the bed too.

I hate this aspect of the D for us. I can't bring myself to deny him water.

It's water.

He seems to really need it.

He now has a safe sippy as I got concerned about him having drinks from plastic for so many hours of each day. He has a Klean Kanteen for daytime and he drinks a lot. Even when the numbers are good he likes to drink water.

But I am tired.

I am so gentle with him. Always. I will never complain to him about needing water or peeing a lot or having to change his bedding three times a night and his PJs four times and his nappy five times.

I can't imagine the time when he is dry at night and as he gets bigger and his bladder capacity even greater I may have to fashion some kind of super nappy by sewing loads of them together.

I fear we are alone with this one.

It is just what Frank is like and we have to deal with it day in day out and night in night out.

I see no end to these nights of BG testing, nappy changing, PJ changing and washing and drying each day.

I have no conversation left. Jen's post the other day about going to a New Year's party and not blurting out that Addison has diabetes as a conversational opener for the first time has really struck a chord with me.

I admit I cried when I read it.

I want this day to come.

I am not there yet.

I am lost in the eye of the storm of this disease.

I have nowhere else to be and nowhere I'd rather be. But there are long days and longer nights when I realise I have lost all sense of myself.

I am avoiding socialising sometimes because all I can think about is diabetes.

If I stay home with my boy and we dig the garden and go to the library and bake biscuits then I can almost forget the D because it is so automatic and we are not weird to each other!

So we bake and cycle and walk and dig and I knit and we paint and we watch Toy Story for the billionth time and I blog about knitting and sewing because it's all I do that isn't D.

And what sustains me is seeing my boy grow and develop.

What sustains me is reading other D-parents' blogs and knowing their hearts like I know my own.

And boy, that feels good...

2011 ...

2011-01-01T19:28:00.006Z

... is a year of plans.

There will be more

knitting and a mastering (or should that be mistressing) of cables
sewing (of our own clothes)
learning new things (crochet for starters)
planting veggies in the garden and eating them (that means you too, Frankie Boy)
trips (to the Isle of Mull, the Cotswolds, Finland, the beach (lots) and Dorset are being planned)
exercise & fresh air
embracing of the moment
music in our lives, both live and just around us at home
art
locally sourced food on our plates
blogging and photos
comments on blogs and yet no guilt if I don't find the time
sleep ( a girl can dream ...)

There will be less

screen time
guilt
worry about what others think
fear of the future
"responsibly sourced Madagascan prawns" on our plates (oh, yes, I fell for this one a month ago and hubby is still laughing at me!)
time spent with people that don't sustain me or "get it" with regard to the D

Are you planning more or less of anything this year?

Happy 2011 and I look forward to sharing this year with you.

My husband posted this the other day (it's a friend of his) and I wanted to share it with you today, at the beginning of a new year.

It's raw beauty brings me to tears and it feels such a privilege to hear it each and every time.

Oedipus and I'm Wrecked

2010-12-31T21:16:00.008Z

This scene on from our week sees Frank out for the count on the sofa and me wrapped in blankets, reading, feeling crap.

Hello all.

Here I am raising my head again and realising a whole week has gone by.

The sniff and the red nose turned into a full-blown cold with added extras of a fever and hacking 40-a-day cough.

Yum.

I managed to get through cooking for nine on Christmas Day and then declared myself an official wreck.

Frank caught the lurgy too after wishing me better by kissing me repeatedly all over my face! It has thus been a lively week in terms of BG testing and insulin needs and sleep has been lacking for all of us.

The Mexican wave of lurgy continued to our lovely French guests, Severine and Louise, who left us on Tuesday with cheery waves and hacking coughs.

Now Mr Muffinmoon has it but declares himself "at 80%" (yes, he is a nerd with numbers, great for a D-parent really).

Frank has been sleeping in with us whilst our guests were in his room and the other night Mr M left us together in the big bed to sleep well and in peace in the spare room.

Frank declared, on waking, that it would be good idea for Daddy to sleep there all the time "because I just want to be with you all the time and you're not prickly".

Be still my heart.

That boy can floor me when he says things like this and as much as I love my husband, I could so easily go for this Oedipal scene.

I like hearing him breathe and sleep so much better myself when he is with us.

I am very much in favour of co-sleeping in general and defy any family to say that their children have never forced games of musical beds into their lives!

Now with us all ill it makes sense to sleep near each other because we can and the carrot of a little bit more sleep is a potent one indeed.

So, it is New Year's Eve and we are poised to enter our third year as parents of a diabetic child.

A child that makes my heart sing like nothing else.

A child I want to raise to engage with life and never let his diabetes hold him back from taking part in anything he wants to try.

**************************

Happy New Year to you all!

Much , much love and a big hug ( at arm's length, of course, in case I infect you).

**************************

And I leave you with a photo of what remains of the Christmas Cake.
Huge great chunks of it were given away to family and friends and Frank won't eat it, but it is still tasting great and looks so lovely with its hat of nuts.

My post seems to be weirdly spaced, a bit like me this past week! Apologies for that, will try to sort it soon.

Merry Crimble - sniff!

2010-12-24T17:22:00.003Z

Here's to a merry, happy and peaceful festive season to all of you, wherever you are.

We have nine people to feed tomorrow and two arriving this evening and it's going to be so much fun.

I only hope they don't mind me looking like Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer with the hacking cough and fetching red nose that Santa sent for me this morning.

I need a word with that guy ...

Love to all!

Phestive Photos

2010-12-19T20:35:00.006Z

It snowed again yesterday afternoon and into the evening.

Big languid flakes fell for a long time and now and our little world looks amazing.

We took Frank out on his sled and to the local shop where we stocked up on milk for hot chocolates. Even the front door is all dressed up for the season with it's wreath.

We posted some cards for our elderly neighbours as they couldn't get out and the little post box near us looked so lovely all covered in snow.

And I finally photographed the three angels Frank and I made last week.

This first one is Andrew in angel form, complete with beard.

Then there is me with stars in my long brown hair.

Followed by Frank the angel covered in garish stickers.

And the Manly Apron is complete!

Here is the man himself modelling it. I needed him to try it on to get it right as I very much winged it with the shape and size.

Frank wanted in on the posing action too, so you get two for one on this photo.

We enjoy these quiet days of staying home and hanging out together.

Tomorrow sees us at an early Winter Solstice celebration with friends and on Tuesday we will have our own little family celebration based on some of the ideas I have been soaking up from the latest Rhythm of the Home.

If any of you are unaware of this heart-warming and inspiring online resource I urge you to take a look.

Happy Sunday to you all.

Nutty Tales

2010-12-16T09:45:00.007Z

Snickers.

One teeny, tiny, individually wrapped snickers.

For breakfast.

It all began here:

Frank and I popped out last night to visit a friend and got back in time for a light snack and a little colouring before bed.

We had just taken ourselves upstairs when someone knocked at the door and we opened it to find Santa there with some other people collecting for local charities.

Behind him was a big sleigh, all lit up and playing music.

Frank was wide-eyed and when asked what he wanted for Christmas didn't know what to say.

He's four.

He doesn't get those conversations yet.

I am holding out as long as possible with the consumerism.

We told Santa we'd like Sev to come for Christmas and that would be a great gift for us and he said he'd do his best to make sure it happened.

He then, yes, Santa, that lovely, good and kind old man, passed my diabetic boy a box full of mini chocolates, Snickers included.

Frank took one and I did what every D-parent does, which is run through the list of a gazillion options for reacting.

Not just a "Thank you , Santa" for us, oh, no. We get the "how many carbs, no label, guesstimate it then, tell him we can't have it, no that would be pointless and awful for Frank, he really can't have it now, maybe in the morning, at least he chose the Snickers with the shadow of a nut and thus protein in it blah blah blah".

And all the while I must be, just must be, standing at the door with Santa wondering who this glazed and distant woman is and whether she's on illegal substances.

Because I know my brain is not in small-talk-with-Santa-mode when I am doing this.

In all honesty, I don't think my brain has a small-talk-with-Santa mode.

So, this morning Frank woke up and ran downstairs to see what was in his little sock for today. He finds a zoo ticket and a mini snickers (it's half the size of my thumb).

I tell him he can have it with his breakfast and that he can only nibble the end before I test his BG.

And the angels sang and the frazzled Mama smiled.

He was at 4.0!!!!

Wooo bloody hoooo!

And the boy ate it in tiny pieces and even offered me a nibble of the corner.

We then had our usual porridge and agave nectar and I asked him what it was like seeing Santa outside the door last night.

He ponders how to break it to me.

"I think it was a man in a suit" he says, "not the real Santa" and goes back to eating his porridge and talking about poo.

Normal service is resumed.

*******************

Another quick and satisfying project left the needles yesterday evening as I completed Frank's Christmas Pyjamas. The light here in Northern Europe, so close to the Winter solstice, is minimal and so the pictures look very gloomy.

I hope you can all squint a bit and maybe turn your heads sideways a tad to get an idea of how cute they really are.

I had been looking for cotton flannel material but couldn't find any that wasn't hugely "girlie" and so plumped for this Sqiurrel Nutkin cotton in green. I made the trousers by tracing around a pair that fit Frank loosely at the moment and bought a white cotton t-shirt so all I had to do there was add the star.

The hardest part of this project was finding a PLAIN WHITE COTTON T-shirt with NOTHING AT ALL on it.

Is it the same where you all are?

Everything seems to have awful slogans or the word "vintage" on it when it was made last week.

And here is a close up of Nutkin himself doing a bit of, well, I think he's "prancing"!

More sewing updates soon as I am making great progress with husband's manly apron.

*******************************
And finally, a big thanks for yesterday and being my musketeers after the hit and run commenter.
All for one and one for all, hey?!

Wow.

2010-12-15T09:25:00.003Z

Wow.

This is all I can say.

Just finished breakfast and checking comments on my post from yesterday.

Found this.

"Ilya
Sorry to disappoint you but the way you feed the kid and your perfidious I heart insulin slogan is a premature death sentence. Do some reading if you really care about the kid. I'm pretty darn serious and know your reaction in advance. You are wrong. Insulin kills and this is a fact.
15 December 2010 01:58 "

How helpful.

I "heart" insulin, oh, yes, I do!

2010-12-14T20:44:00.004Z

On holiday in Dorset September 2008; one month before diagnosis.

Two years old and very thin.

Wearing clothes for kids about six months younger than he is. Notice the ever-present water bottle.

Two years later, at the age of four.

Rounded out and happy.

Wearing clothes that get too small before I can blink.

Energetic and sporting a full beard of toast!

Thank you insulin.

We love you.

Done & Dusted

2010-12-14T20:13:00.007Z

Excuse the fuzzy photos but this boy just will not stand still.

And, before anyone asks, it's still all about having the tongue hanging out over here!

Today I coaxed Frank into wearing this hat as I needed to get it parceled up and sent off to Dorset to my sister's little girl, Nancy, who turns two this week.

Originally I made this hat for Frank but he refuses to wear it as it's "itchy".

Pure Michigan wool sent from good friends in Detroit and it's rejected within a nano second by the boy.

Ah, well, Nancy will look great in it with her red hair.

It's a weird project though. I like it very much, don't get me wrong, but it uses so very much yarn and most of that yarn hangs down the child's back. It seems a waste. I'm all for style and love little elf-like hats and stuff but this seemed over the top.
Can you see how far it hangs down Frank's back?
Almost as far as his tongue hangs down his front!

And here is the little button to hold it on.
I was struck by this picture of my boy's chubby four year old chops as I'd been chatting to a friend whose child was diagnosed just a few months ago. We were saying how gaunt our boys had been before they'd been diagnosed. And they had both been quite well, all things considered.
It has taken two years for Frank to go from skinny to normal and he is pretty average just now in terms of both height and weight.

************************************************************************************
And then onto another completed project : Boot Gnomes!
How cute are they???
I made fifteen of them today, some to give as gifts and some to attempt to sell as stocking fillers.

They are super easy to make and the idea is from this book (as is the knitting pattern for the hat).
They are used to hold wellies together at the top, particularly useful for a pre-school or family with lots of kids, I imagine.
We use them because they're gnomes and they're cute.

Now, Mr Muffinmoon is out at Pudding Club this evening and I am alone with my green tea and about to start making his Christmas present.
It's a linen apron that I intend to customise just for him.
I am entering this project most nervously as we have ten people here on Christmas Day and he will be opening it "in public".
It could all go tits up (nod to Reyna here for inspiring me to be colourful in my use of language!!) but I promise to post about it anyway.
Happy Tuesday all.

Chilly Days and Chocolate Pizza

2010-12-13T21:46:00.004Z

Frank and I were out recently, on our way to the local library to pick up yet more Christmas books, when we stopped to look at our shadows and I took out my camera to capture the moment.

Lise recently posted about shadow dancing and that's just what Frank and I were doing in the middle of Prettygate!

Such fun.

The low Northern European sun makes us all long and lean these Winter days.

I look like I am on stilts!! The Boy Wonder decided that running with his tongue hanging out like a dog was his thing for the day.
And even standing with his tongue hanging out was good too...

Then we came home and made more gifts.
There is a lot of this going on at the moment and I am finding computer time elusive as I am so tired at night that falling asleep with Frank is my new pattern.
Ho hum. I clearly need the sleep.
Anyway, we made what we call "chocolate pizza" and here it is in all its yummyness.

We melted fours bars of Green & Blacks (2 white and 2 dark) in separate bowls over boiling water and then swirled it together on a baking tray lined with parchment. Onto that we sprinkled our toppings, whatever we have in and fancy sprinkling (for us that day it was cashews, sesame seeds, dried cranberries and raisins).
This is intended as gifts.
It may not last that long ...

The Diabetes Toad

2010-12-02T14:23:00.007Z

My cousin, Maggie, lives in Ottawa and kindly sent me a special feature from The Globe and Mail all about Diabetes.

She, herself, was diagnosed with Type 1 in her forties.

A huge shock and I happened to be over visiting when the doctor rang with confirmation of the diagnosis.

I remember her son, Jorin, hugging her and them both crying and I quietly left the room to let them talk and be together before I spoke to her later about what it meant and how she felt.

I was clueless.

She handled it then and handles it now with her usual, and enviable, forthright attitude and determination to look it in the eye.

With Frank's diagnosis, somewhere around fifteen years later, I was still clueless.

Maggie never made a big deal of it but just got on with it.

Nothing was hidden, but I never asked many questions either.

Now we see each other every six months and have so much to talk about.

Not that we ever struggled but the Big D does make an appearance in our conversations now more than it did before Frank's diagnosis.

Knowing what I now know, I feel ashamed of this, of not finding out more and being more supportive

So, Maggie ticks along managing her Type 1 brilliantly. She chooses to not have a pump and that works for her.

We want a pump for Frank to let his tiny body have less daily invasions.

We are all doing great.

And then I sit down to read the articles from The Globe and Mail supplement.

I read a few lines and this incredible physical, totally physical, feeling rises in me, like a submerged toad that has been in the pit of my stomach, rising and rising to my (now constricted) throat and I close the paper, and feel the hysteria subside.

What on earth is that?

It's the Diabetes Toad.

It lies there, watching and waiting and rising to strike when you let your guard down for a second.

All seems well and then all of a sudden up pops the freaky toad, all full of its own importance, and I am knocked for six again.

Like it happened two weeks ago not two years ago.

I have been pondering this post for a few days now and was interested (and relieved) to read both Meri's and Reyna's posts saying very similar things.

Sometimes the magnitude of DIABETES and not the numbers or the carbs or the exercise hits us all and we crumble a bit.

For a while.

And then, well, what are our choices here?

Let's be honest.

Are we able to say, "Nope. Can't do it anymore. Too scary. Gonna give it to someone else?". Ha!

We want to do it because we need to do it because we have to do it.

The momentary wobbles are about looking into the abyss and then going back to the coal face (crazy mixed metaphors, I apologise!).

And at the coal face is where we belong.

I certainly wouldn't want to be anywhere else.

So, day to day, the Diabetes Toad is pushed down by life. Everyday life.

And to lighten the mood here are some images and thoughts of this week so far:

I've been sewing to YouTube of The Dick van Dyke Show. I love him so much. And I hear even porpoises love him these days. I've always said porpoises have good taste ...
We've got snow and lots of it. Frank is a happy boy.

3. Snowmen have been built. This was the first one after just a night of snow. He's kind of small but the latest two are much bigger.

4. A Christmas Cake has been baked. I soaked the required tonne of dried fruit in brandy for a day and then made the cake. We don't normally have one but Sev and her friend Louise are with us over Christmas, along with my parents and aunt so a cake might be called to do service!

It gets wrapped like a parcel before going in the oven for three hours.

And looks like this when it emerges.

I will "feed" it with brandy every few days up until Christmas and cover it with fruit and nuts and then glaze it with apricot jam.

Traditionally it is eaten with a chunk of crumbly cheese but most people these days probably go for a cup of tea alongside instead.

I will happily post the recipe sometime if anyone is interested in cakes that are so heavy with fruit they could sink a ship!

It tastes great, I assure you.

And

5. Mr Muffinmoon is out at a Poetry Slam this evening, performing as Fred Slattern: Slum Poet. What have I planned? Tamari cashews and a gin & tonic, that's what! Oh, and knitting like a mad witch as it's already December and I've been slutty with my handmade promises ...
Much love and peace and great BGs to you all.

The Versatile Blogger - c'est moi!

2010-11-27T22:57:00.004Z

Jen kindly gave me this award, THANKS JEN! I have spent most of my blogging time this evening trying to work out how to add the button to my post. I have only managed to copy the picture. Anyone got time to tell me how on earth to add a button to a blog?

Anyhooo ... onto the conditions of the award.

1. Thank the person who gave you the award.

Jen, my lovely, supportive friend, thank you so much. I wish you lived just around the corner.

2. Share seven things about yourself.

I was a vegetarian for 22 years until I was about five months pregnant and then remember saying to Andrew, whilst walking around the supermarket, that I needed "roast chicken and NOW". I still eat good quality meat and feel better for it.
I am majorly clumsy and am always bumping into things and dropping things. I find this funny. Hubby not so much ...
I speak fluent German.
Kindness and empathy are hugely important to me both in myself and others.
I adore Brussels sprouts and once as a student ate a whole pound of them, steamed, with butter and black pepper. Just writing that makes me want to do it again.
I love to wear big, clumpy shoes. I just can't do heels but at 5'10", I figure I don't have to.
Music is a source of solace and inspiration to me and it can bring me down if it's the wrong music at the wrong time. If it's the right music I can conquer anything.

3. Pass the award onto twelve bloggers you have recently discovered and who you think are fantastic.

OK, here we go, hold onto your knickers:

Amanda at FeltFinland

Hannah at HomeBaked

Mary Beth at Salt and Chocolate

Sarah at Green Clogs

Sarah at Blue Garter

Lise at In the Purple House

Penny at A Sweet Grace

Nicole at Frontier Dreams

Calamity Jane at Apron Strings

Christine at Slow Living Essentials

Reyna at BETA BUDDIES

Andrew at Big Swifty

I admit some of these blogs are not "new" to me but I do rely on these voices to inform and uplift me all the time.

I hope they add some new voices to your days too.

Taking the D to Brum

2010-11-26T21:02:00.005Z

We are just back from five days in Birmingham (nicknamed Brum for those of you unaware and confused by my cryptic title).

It was a first for all of us having never really got to know this lovely city before.

And it really is such a lovely, multi-cultural, friendly, lively city.

I really was so very impressed most especially at the fantastic, friendly service in all the cafes and restaurants. People spoke to me and engaged with Frank.

It is sadly not always the case elsewhere.

We had such a good time, stayed in an apartment in the Chinese Quarter and spent lots of time at the Frankfurt Christmas market that is there every year.

Andrew and I did what we call "divide and conquer", which involves us taking turns spending days or half days with Frank. It seems to work for us and then we get alone time in a coffee shop and a gallery or just mooching around.

Day one saw Frank and I at the Sealife Centre where his treat was this rather fetching shark on a stick! I try hard to get as many wooden and natural toys as I can but, c'mon, he's four and a half, sometimes a shark on a stick is just what is needed!!
At the market there was a cute little roundabout, which the boy had to ride three times and still kept chanting "Again, again, again, again" but at two quid a go we had to stop there.
At no point did he smile for me on this thing as he was so engrossed in driving that engine.

On our last day we went back to the BMAG (Birmingham Museum and Art Gallery) to show Frank the activities for children. We had both visited it on our alone days and want him to find some of the joy and beauty that we do in art.
Brimingham has the most amazing collection of art by the Pre-Raphaelites. Oh my, it was lovely.
It also boasts an Edwardian Tea Room, which is no bad thing ...
And then there was this amazing, just amazing, tactile, warm wooden puzzle of the Modigliani portrait above.

I loved this so much. Frank did it three times and had to be dragged away.

And then back home Frank and I had so enjoyed the pretzels we'd eaten we decided to make some of our own, leaving out the poaching them in water first (as I nearly set fire to the house last week making bagels and not remembering that a tea towel placed on the oven top next to an open flame WILL CATCH FIRE - I've lost a little poaching mojo).
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And onto the BIG D.

We had such a varied time with it all with Frank's number being so bloody random that I sometimes wonder if it isn't all a great big social experiment. His fingers are increasingly reluctant to bleed and I loathe pricking him four or five times every meal time. It's so crap and whilst I am on forced-jolly-auto-pilot, there is a part of me still screaming that I hate it and it's not right or fair.

My poor beautiful, brave, brave boy.

I find that wearing.

One night I slept so little and was up four times in the night that when it got to my alone day I spent it in the art gallery and then
bought a DVD and some yummy hummous and salady bits and lay on the sofa half asleep for the afternoon. Oh, and some chocolate.

Is it bad to go all the way to Birmingham to lie on a sofa for a couple of hours?

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I will be back tomorrow with my response to Jen's kind award (Thanks, lovely Jen!!) and seven things about me that you might not know.

You already know that I use the words "salady bits" ...